How to Hug Man-to-Man

Step 1: Clasp his hand as if to arm-wrestle. Pull him toward you.

Step 2: Quickly turn your face 45 degrees to the left. He should do the same.

Step 3: Give him at most three hearty pats on the back, as if you’re burping a baby. Keep all body contact above the waist.

Step 4: Push back, release your grip, smile with embarrassment, and pretend it never happened.

See also: Please Don’t Hug Me

–Andy Simmons

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