“The Best Relationship Advice I Ever Got”

For the 1.2 million lovebirds who will be married this summer, our resident voice of reason shares a few secrets for a long, successful marriage.

CoupleFrom My Mother…

Do choose your battles.
Don’t force your spouse to take part in the activities that you enjoy. Sometimes you can go it alone!

From My Sisters…

Do cut out words like should or ought, as in “You should be a better listener.” That’s parental, not relational. Instead, simply ask for what you need.
Don’t have a script for a happy marriage in your head—and don’t expect your spouse to magically follow it.

From My Best Friend…

Do recognize what your spouse brings to the relationship rather than focusing on what you wish he or she brought. Rejoice in 
the ways you and your spouse fit together; try to work around the ways you don’t.
Don’t compare your relationship with others.

From Pop Culture…

Do watch reality-TV shows about online dating disasters, such as the MTV show Catfish, instead of acting them out in real life.
Don’t forget that while a wedding can seem like a Broadway show with you in the starring role, a marriage is about forging a connection that endures long after the curtain falls.

From My Marriage…

Do come to some resolution to restore peace after a fight, even if it’s just saying, “I’m sorry.”

Don’t lose sight of what attracted you to the other person in the first place. That part might be hidden, but it’s still there.

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Some people like to travel by train because 
it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of 
an airplane.

Dennis Miller

I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”

Kevin Nealon

“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” 
—Everyone following you on Instagram


A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

Comedian Greg Davies

Funny Jokes

Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.


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Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.

From clientsfromhell.net

Funny Jokes

My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me 
everything you know.”


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“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” 

@yoyoha (Josh Hara)

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My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.

—Jerry Seinfeld

Funny Jokes

Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?

A: A mechanic.