Uncommon Sense: “Tell My Friend about Her Bridesmaid’s Bad Behavior?”

Give your best advice! Write your best answer to this problem in the comments below, and we might use your suggestion in a future issue.

By Jeanne Marie Laskas from Reader's Digest Magazine | June 2013

I was the maid of honor in my best friend’s wedding, and there was one bridesmaid—a cousin of the bride—who was causing drama constantly. The bride was none the wiser to her behavior, but I’m still reeling. Do I tell the bride how awful her cousin was or keep my mouth shut? —Miffed Maid


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  • Your Comments

    • Christina Jordan

      Why would you rehash something that’s over? The weddings done, and most likely you wont have to deal with this person again. It should be out of site out of mind. By you addressing it, most likely you would stir up drama. It could also put a damper between you and your friend, because no matter how close you are, family always comes first. If you ever come in come in contact with this cousin, and she starts causing drama again, than I would address it. Most likely if she did it once, she will do it again.

    • Janice Garey

      There isn’t any reason to tell your friend anything negative about the wedding. As you say, (Keep your mouth shut).

    • paulcountry

      Who got married here? you or your so called friend? Exactly!! You answered your own question twice. 1st- the bride was unaware of this behavior. 2nd- your last four words were right on the money. Why would a “Friend” wish to shine a bad light on a beautiful day? Self gratification maybe? Shame on you!

    • K A E

      Dear Miffed,
      Your concern for the bride is admirable. Do you say something or do you keep silent? If the bride was none the wiser, you might question why you are so upset? Did the bridesmaid push some of your buttons by just being herself? Was she intentionally causing drama? If you watched the movie, Greek Wedding, it goes without saying, it is not uncommon to have drama at a wedding. My advice- take a little time to determine why it bothered YOU so much and let the bride enjoy the memories of a happy wedding.

    • pjf

      The event(wedding)is over. Now you need to get over the issue,also. If you have a problem with someone you need to address the individual. I would ask myself, what is your motive for telling the bride now. Move on and keep the happier memories of wedding in mind. You will be the bigger person.

    • Victoria

      Thank goodness the bride was “none the wiser.” It was the bride’s day after all, not yours. Nothing was to be gained by pointing it out then and ruining the day for the bride, and nothing will be gained by pointing it out now. Repeat after me: Let it go…

    • http://www.facebook.com/shoescrape Liz Wysocki Landino

      If it didn’t bother the bride, then it is water under the bridge. She probably already knows what her cousin is like, and chooses not to acknowledge bad behavior.

    • Rachael Johnsen

      Part of the duty of a bridesmaid is to facilitate the momentous occasion for the bride. In your efforts to shield the bride from the dramatic behavior of her cousin, you fulfilled that duty splendidly. Now that the event is over, there is no reason to dwell on one person’s bad behavior unless your goal is to taint the opinion of one cousin to another thereby creating a new drama for all involved.

    • http://www.facebook.com/wendy.swerdlow.pederson Wendy Swerdlow Pederson

      Ask yourself: Would sharing this help your relationship with the bride? Would it hurt it? No matter how close you are to the bride, family is family and bringing this up to the bride (who most likely knows her cousin’s drama-queen tendencies) will not help your relationship. In fact, it may cause a divide between the two of you. Time to turn around and put the past behind you.

    • http://www.facebook.com/bosley.mcgillan Bosley McGillan

      Why would you even want to tell her and stain your best friends special day? It sounds like YOU are the one causing drama!