Uncommon Sense: “Tell My Friend about Her Bridesmaid’s Bad Behavior?”

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By Jeanne Marie Laskas from Reader's Digest Magazine | June 2013

I was the maid of honor in my best friend’s wedding, and there was one bridesmaid—a cousin of the bride—who was causing drama constantly. The bride was none the wiser to her behavior, but I’m still reeling. Do I tell the bride how awful her cousin was or keep my mouth shut? —Miffed Maid


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  • Your Comments

    • Faith Dean

      Just to make sure I understand – the bride was none the wiser, her day went off without a hitch and she had a great wedding – and NOW you want to tell her about her drama-causing cousin? Girl, why are you trying to start drama?

    • Rosepeace2u

      To Miffed Maid. The wedding is all about the bride and groom. If the Bride was none the wiser, to her cousins behavior, she should remain that way. She obviously has a close relationship with this cousin and there would be no good reason to say something that could harm that relationship or cloud the brides memory of her most lovely day, her wedding. Be thankful that you were a friend who was important enough to the bride to be included in her wedding and remember the good time that you had and let go of the things that were out of your control. It is in the past so it cannot be changed. If that is the worst thing that ever happens to you, you still have it made!

    • Katrea

      Although it’s tempting to tell, its probably not worth it. Better to let the drama-causer dig her own hole rather than have your friend be disappointed in you for “tattling”.

    • Judi Pacileo

      As her maid of honor, you are there to keep her wedding day as stress free as possible. And surround her with all the good memories of the day. She knows her cousin and may have been “forced” by family to include this cousin. Let it be. Stay her maid of honor so on their 50th anniversary, you will be there to celebrate and remember the great wedding with them

    • Sharron Amis

      Dear Miffed Maid:
      Who made you the Wedding Police? The bride was appropriately involved with her new husband and enjoying her wedding and her guests. That she was unaware of any supposed drama is exactly as it should have been. You need to keep your silence: you would be no friend to the bride by pointing out any problems YOU thought had occurred at the wedding.

    • Ronnie Applewhite

      First of all, kudos for being a great Maid Of Honor and not bringing this up before or during the wedding. But why stop there? Ask yourself if anything good or productive, for you or your best friend, could possibly happen as a result of bringing this up now. You would be doing both of you a favor to just let it go.

    • Laurel

      Let the bride stay “none the wiser” and be glad her cousin isn’t yours.

    • Patricia O.

      Just because the bride appeared to be “none the wiser”, doesn’t mean she didn’t notice. However, it was her day and whether she noticed it or not, she didn’t let it ruin her day. Why are you letting it ruin your memories of your best friends happy occasion? Either way, there is no point in saying anything when the deed is done. Telling your best friend that her cousin was a drama queen on her big day could very well upset her. That day is over, the bride was happy, why bring it up now? Think how you would feel if the tables were turned. I don’t understand why it bothers you so much, it wasn’t your cousin, and the bride was happy. Let it go. Move on.

    • Emerald Queen

      Dear Miffed Maid, A wedding day belongs to the bride and if the bride herself was not aware of her cousin acting like a drama queen then it is best to keep your mouth shut and let her remember her wedding day with just happy thoughts. No good can come out of you telling her after the fact except you hoping that it might make YOU feel better. Keep in mind “blood is thicker than water” and if the bride was none the wiser to her cousin’s behavior then I suggest trying to get past this reeling feeling you are still having. Spilling the beans may jeopardize your friendship so you have to think about whether her cousin is worth that.

    • http://twitter.com/LaylaChloesNana LaylaChloe’sNana

      Absolutely not. Just suck it up. Like parents who doesn’t want to hear from the babysitter all the irrelevant things their kids did while they had a date, the bride does not need her special day spoiled by something that’s over and done.