What One Dad Wants His Girl to Know about Her Future Husband

You are worthy.

By Dr. Kelly Flanagan
Also in Reader's Digest Magazine October 2013

from drkellyflanagan.com

01-letter-to-my-daughter-paDear Little One,

Recently, your mother and I were searching the Internet, and Google returned a list of the most popular searches in the world. Perched at the top was “How to keep him interested.”

It startled me. I scanned several of the countless articles about how to be sexy, when to bring him a beer versus a sandwich, and the ways to make him feel smart and superior.

And I got angry.

Little One, it is not, has never been, and never will be your job to “keep him interested.”

Little One, your only task is to know deeply in your soul—in that unshakable place that isn’t rattled by rejection and loss and ego—that you are worthy of interest. (If you can remember that everyone else is worthy of interest also, the battle of your life will be mostly won. But that is a letter for another day.)

If you can trust your worth in this way, you will be attractive in the most important sense of the word: You will attract a boy who is both capable of interest and who wants to spend his one life investing all his interest in you.

Little One, I want to tell you about the boy who doesn’t need to be kept interested, because he knows you are interesting:

I don’t care if he puts his elbows on the dinner table—as long as he puts his eyes on the way your nose scrunches when you smile. And then can’t stop looking.

I don’t care if he can’t play a bit of golf with me—as long as he can play with the children you give him and revel in all the glorious and frustrating ways they are just like you.

I couldn’t care less how he votes—as long as he wakes up every morning and daily elects you to a place of honor in your home and a place of reverence in his heart.

In the end, Little One, if you stumble across a man like that, and he and I have nothing else in common, we will have the most important thing in common: you.

Your eternally interested guy,


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  • Your Comments

    • lieo


    • dumbbellblanket

      I’d like to agree, because there is a community of jerks out there who have programmed real self-image issues into the female psyche. However, if your daughter tends to lie around and watch TV all day eating cookies and follow stupid celebrities feeling sorry for her under-educated self, she might need to understand how a man’s needs work. A relationship is a two-way street, and some of this you’re-okay-no-matter-what fuels a sad work ethic and forms unhealthy habits.

    • joy

      Hear hear. I agree.

    • bigastro

      Excellent article. I am not a father yet but if I ever become one would like to advice my daughter like this one did. Kudos to him.

    • Tilly

      Whoever this is, is a real Dad. This is the best possible advice for many of todays girls. It is not any girls “job” to keep some guy “interested” 24/7. Live your own life & share it with him. If he “loses interest” and drops out on you, Its because he was brought up to be a selfish pig and he does not even deserve to have you. A good guy will automatically always be interested in the girl who has her own life. Thank you again for this, whoever this father is.

      • lieo