13 Things Marriage Counselors Know About Your Relationship

Counselors across the country weigh in on what they are really thinking during couples therapy.

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1) I love couples who fight in the waiting room. At least they still care about each other. If one or both of you seem indifferent, my job is a lot harder.

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2) When you say your feelings "just aren't there anymore," I know you're probably cheating.

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3) Sometimes I'll tell a couple "no sex until the next session. Don't touch each other, period." What I'm really hoping is that they'll fail and feel a sense of unity from their mutual rebellion.

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4) It may make you feel better to talk about your marriage issues with a good friend, but it will just make things worse. Never talk to outsiders about things in your marriage that you haven't already talked about with your spouse.

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5) I'm not going to tell a couple that I have no idea why they're together. But take the hint if I say something like "You both have to make a decision about whether this is going to work long term."

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6) What do I wish I could say? "Grow up!" "Stop whining!" "Get a life!" When I feel this way, I know I need a vacation.

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7) Don't try to convince me you're the good one. In most marriages, there isn't a good one.

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8) Yes, you should go to bed angry. If you try to resolve everything before you hit the sack, you'll both be sleep-deprived and cranky the next day. Instead, get a good night's sleep and talk once you're rested.

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9) Three signs that a couple is not going to succeed: name-calling, finger-pointing, and when one or both partners fail to accept even the tiniest bit of responsibility for the situation.

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10) Sometimes two people love each other but have such different styles of living that I recommend they live together in a duplex. It sounds strange, but it works for some people.

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11) I've seen couples I thought didn't stand a chance end up staying together. Often it's because they're both willing to try. But sometimes it's just that they are too dysfunctional to leave each other.

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12) The big thing most women don't understand: Men are not mind readers. If you don't tell him how you feel, he's not going to know. The big thing most men don't understand: If you hardly acknowledge your wife all day, she's not going to want to get intimate with you at night.

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13) If I ask you how long you've had problems and your answer is "ten years," you're not going to change things in ten minutes or ten sessions.

Plus: More Secrets Your Marriage Counselor Won't Tell You

Sources: Jeff Palitz, a marriage and family therapist in Chula Vista, California; Susan Fletcher, PhD, a psychologist in Dallas; Tina B. Tessina, PhD, a psychotherapist in Long Beach, California; Nancy Mramor, PhD, in Pittsburgh; Karen Sherman, PhD, in New York; Lawrence J. Levy, PsyD, a licensed psychologist in Boca Raton, Florida; Meghan L. Reitz, LCPC, NCC, in Schaumburg, Illinois; and a marriage counselor in Pennsylvania.

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30 thoughts on “13 Things Marriage Counselors Know About Your Relationship

  1. Am so happy to testify about a great spell caster that helped me when all hope was lost for me to unite with my ex boyfriend that i love so much. Am from united state and my name is Lydia laures i had a boyfriend that love me so much but something terrible happen to our relationship one afternoon when his friend that was always trying to get to me was trying to force me to make love to him just because he was been jealous of his friend that i was dating and on the scene my boy friend just walk in and he thought we had something special doing together, i tried to explain things to him that his friend always do this when ever he is not with me and i always refuse him but i never told him because i did not want the both of them to be enemies to each other but he never believed me. he broke up with me and i tried times with out numbers to make him believe me but he never believed me until one day i heard about the GREAT DR Olawole on how he has been helping people about relationship issued and i emailed him with his email ugbeninspellsolutiontemple@gmail.com and he replied me so kindly and help me get back my lovely relationship that was already gone for three months. Am so happy and all thanks to the GREAT DR. Olawole that help me with his Great spell powers. If you have any kind of problem email him now for help with his email>ugbeninspellsolutiontemple@gmail.com its really works.
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  3. What would any of you do if your spouse sleeps on the couch and has for 6 +years?????

  4. wow, this is a miracle I can’t believe what i see with my eyes. hello everyone out there I am proud to tell the whole world my experience. I was happily married to the most amazing man in the world but just last year ending me and my partner started having issues he was always complaining about every little thing I do to the extent that he even refused to touch or sleep with me before he left the house. I went everywhere seeking for solution and i came across this great prophet that helped me change everything around with his special portion he sent to me and today my husband that abandoned me came back and started begging for my love and forgiveness in less than 3 days. this is not just a story it is a miracle . He has the ability to solve different problems in fact since i met this prophet my life has changed for good. for you out there if you need help here is his email address prophet.briancarn@yahoo.com his spell is powerful and for real again here is his email address prophet.briancarn@yahoo.com

  5. I want to share my testimony to you all which i believe you can still try your best to give a testimony like this so i was married to Jose at first will both love each other but short time he started a new behavior which i cannot even explain to any one then i keep it to my self hopping one day he will change for good no way he did not change so i was in pain every day don’t no what to do on till one day when a friend of mine visited me in my office she met me crying then she was asking me what is going on i try to be cam but i could not then i open up to her telling me there is a way out which i will do before he left me with my kids i look up and not knowing what to do then i ask her to tell me. shortly she open up to me and say there is a man called Dr Idibia he is a spirit man he can do it with in three days then i look an said okay i will try my best to contact him four days later, my husband did not come home i called his phone switch off then i try my possible best i did not hear from him so i began to look for one way for a help so i remember my friend told me about one man call Dr Idibia i quickly run to my friend asking her if she still have samura contact then she gave it to me that was how i contacted this great man of spirit he did it for me so quick so now i can now control my husband in any thing even i can tell him that i don’t want him outside today he will not. Now i have a happy family so via email GREATIDIBIASPELLTEMPLE30@GMAIL.COM OR CALL +2348103508204 he will do it for you as he did for me susan …

  6. Am Anna I have tried dozens of love spells and had no success. I was online and came across Dr MADURAI Spells. I was having an issue with my partner we have both been separated for 2 months. I thought I would try one more time. I was told that my case would be done in so little time. I must admit I was a bit skeptical with my past experiences and all. Dr MADURAI said your problems are solved my child However a day later after casting the spell here I am back together with my partner and we are doing better then ever. If it was not for maduraitemple@yahoo.com I do not know how I would be able to cope with life any longer.i will also advice for any one in such or similar problems or any kind of problems should also contact him via email maduraitemple@yahoo.com for help Good bye
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  7. “This is a testimony i must share with people. Me and my boyfriend of 3years was about to move in together, all of a sudden he got cold feet and just went off. I email drstanleyspelltemple@hotmail.com for help to bring him back and within 2 days he was back, I don’t know what he did, but it worked and my boyfriend is now living with me and we are expecting our first child and couldn’t be happier!”…….Paula

  8. also remember that both of you are friends and got married for a reason only you know. Treat each other as friends and work together. If it is money setup a budget, if there is kids, hire a baby sitter twice a week and go out by yourselves and eat some place and just talk. the more time you spend together and really get to know each other the better. take care of the small things together and the big things will seem like small ones once you really start to work together. Both of you bring home flowers for her and chips or a snack and he will be happy. Remember one thing being fiends and working together as friends will get alot done in your lives. so spend time together. You say but I dont like him or her anymore. Start out like you was dating again. go out to eat and talk and make it a date. But we fight all the time. that is because you still care about each other and she wants some help around the house and you want some attention from him.. Remember eather of you can read minds. so say what you would like from eather other through out the day. it might be just a phone call to see if she needs anything at the store before you come home. if you both work, then it is time to take a vacation. even if it just go to a hotel for the week end. get out of the house and do something different. Let the baby sitter watch the kids. you need some time with each other to get to know each other. An wise old man that has been married for 60 years said do you want to be right all the time or be married. dont try to run each others life, let them live it. do your thing and let them do theres. allways be home for dinner and talk to eather other all the time about anything but talk to each other.

  9. My name is Kelsey i live in USA i want to thank the Powerful Priest Ajigar for the spell he did for me that brought my ex back to me after 8 months he broke up with me thanks so much Priest Ajigar for your kind help for you have done what i could not do in 8 months and it just took you only three days and the love of my life came back just as you promised,so i seriously advice to whom that also need his help too you can contact Priest Ajigar on this email(priestajigarspells@live.com)

  10. Hi everyone i will never forget the help the priest of JAYEMA temple render to me in my marital life. i have been married for 4 years now and my husband and i love each other very dearly . after 3 years of our marriage my husband suddenly change he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was praying for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we prayed but nothing happen. my husband just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my husband and my marriage too. i was just checking my mails in the office when i saw someone sharing her testimony on how the priest of JAYEMA temple help her out with her marital problems so i contacted the email of priest JAYEMA i told him my problem and i was told to be calm that i have come to the right place that i should fill some information concerning my self i did after 30 minus he called me again congratulating me that my problems will be solve within 48 hours. he told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen.that they will restored my marriage but i will make a free donation to their JAYEMA home anything my heart told me. to my greatest surprise my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don’t you give priest JAYEMA a try they work surprises because i know they will also bring back your husband. contact him via jayemamagictemple@gmail.com

  11. Some husbands really need to be careful of other woman outside their marriage,this was a true life story that happened to me to my own notice my sister took my husband from me the husband whom i have love so much and promise me that no woman will take him from me but all of a sudden things turned apart if not for my friend hear in USA that told me i needed a spell caster that can cast a spell to separate them maybe by now he must have went for a divorce which could have made me commit suicide because i loved him so much likewise like him also but how things turn around was a thing that surprised me.
    I vowed that any thing it could cost me i must separate him and my elder sister i then collected the contact of this spell caster from my friend Mary she told me his name is spiritual Priest Ajigar and his email is priestajigarspells@live.com i contacted him and narrated the whole story to him he consulted and found out that my sister visited a spell caster that casted a spell that made him love her i then ask him what to do he told me that this spell needed to be broken so that my husband can leave her alone and come back to me the spell was broken and within three days he began to hate her that he even beat her up before he said to her that it is over between him and her right now my husband is with me again and care for me like he have never done before i thank my friend Mary but i own all thanks to priest Ajigar for bringing back my husband and i their for advice that if you notice any strange behavior in your marriage or your boy friend or girlfriend is cheating you contact Priest Ajigar to know the root of it he will surely help you out and give an everlasting solution to it.

  12. I’ve finally decided that the woman I is right.  It’s all my fault, after trying every strategy, therapy, step group, church and tactic available, I told my last wife “If you stay, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy.”  She said “You’d make it about three days.”  I decided she was right.  There was nothing I could do to make her happy for more than about three days.  Now we are divorced.  I am free and enjoying life again, she is still miserable and a fading beauty with no money and no honey.  What a terrible waste because all I ever wanted was someone to be true and to love and be loved.
      

  13. Call me old school, but I think marriage went south was when men started doing the house work, I think women lose respect for a man when he cleans up. Also, fix everything your self, the ladies love it when you get dirty and come in the housue and say, “honey its fixed”. She’ll give you a big hug and say “thanks”. When you akways call another man to come in to fix household problems they start looking at you as weak, I don’t care how much money you make, its still true,  they won’t admit it but its true. Also for the men, give them some crap about the house once in awhile, they like it and will try harder!!

    1. It’s not that my husband doesn’t do housework (although I’d love it if he’d take out the trash/recycling once in a while).  Nor that he doesn’t fix things (I do all the building/fixing/painting/yard work/etc.).   What gets me is that he works (mostly from home, and not usually a 40-hour week), and that is IT.  His view is, “I make money, what else do you want?”  I’d like to have a conversation sometimes.  I’d like him to sometimes play with the kid.  I’d like to hear “Happy Birthday” or “Merry Christmas” once in a while (gifts not required!  Just some sort of acknowledgement…)

      1. What you need is to tell him exactly that but in nicer terms. Nothing wrong or rude about being truthful :)

    2. After 50 years of marriage to the same man I can say you  are wrong about thinking a woman loses respect for a man who cleans.Grownups clean up their own messes. After 50 years of housecleaning I love it if he loads the dishwasher or vacumns.  Also I love him when he fixes things but admire his self confidence when he sees the wisdom of paying someone else to fix things if it saves time and or money.Whatever gives men the idea that because they were born male that they are suppose to know how to do everything or too good to clean. Compliments get more results than bellyaching.
      She likes to be appreciated as much as you do.

    3.  @ Paul Kersey :
      Are you serious with that comment?! A REAL man helps his wife around the house, appreciates what she does so he doesn’t have too, knows when he’s over his head when it comes to repairs, and does not give his wife “some crap about the house once in awhile”. (Or at least a smart man doesn’t) Woman do not like that, it pisses us off and does not make us “try harder”. I wouldn’t call you old fashioned, I’d call you a chauvinistic jerk.

  14. I will state unequivocally that anyone in true need of saving their relationship should go to one man & one only, Mort Fertel. He’s on the web under Marriage Fitness or Marriage Boot Camp. While quite expensive, there are ways to get on board. We’ve only been able to afford 2 phone sessions & the boot camp & materials, but I’d say if you want to stay together, you need him & no one else! He has a “we’re not going to give up” approach to the problems. Only one spouse has to attend if you have an obstinate or unwilling partner. I just wish we could’ve continued because I believe no one can help but him. Check him out & you’ll see what I mean. Mort has been there, done that & does not believe in throwing in the towel. It’s hard to find a couples therapist that doesn’t have the idea, let’s see if we can still make this work…Mort says, stick with me & the program & you’ll be more in love than ever. He’s right.

    1. He also said He protects His children under His wings. Does that mean God is actually a bird? Or maybe…just maybe…that was a figure of speech about not stewing in your juices for long periods of time and not a literal command about resolving issues before 9pm?

      1. Maybe it means be quick to forgive??? by practicing maturity and Faith.

    2. God seems to think the sun goes around the earth, but we know that isn’t true.
      God is supposed to be in charge of everything, so he is also responsible for the bad stuff like tornadoes, earthquakes, tsunamis, etc.  He supposedly knows the future, so it is all fixed and unchangeable.  What is the point in praying if the game is already fixed?  Is it all some sort of cosmic game, or just a silly fable? 

  15. Hi, Can somebody tell me about his or her marriage failure? I want to use their method to leave my wife. herrrrrrrrrrr

    1. If you really want to dump her you don’t need help from anybody. Call us marriage counsellors if you think otherwise.

    2. Just pack your s*** and leave… with your attitude its already over just get  on out the door

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