- Put it in perspective. Will what they’re saying or doing be important in an hour or two? A day from now? Most won’t.
- Rise above it. Next time you are totally fed up with your mother, remind yourself of all of the tough times she has experienced.
- Cut yourself a break. If your mother upsets you by bringing up that failed first marriage again, don’t beat yourself up for getting tense about it. Your reaction is normal. It’s what you do about it that counts.
- Take a time-out. If you can’t send your uncle Richie to time-out when he’s had one vodka martini too many, at least you can send yourself there. Take a walk or go shopping.
- Keep your mouth shut. One of the most powerful tools you have is silence. Use it!
- Pretend they don’t belong to you. If your in-laws are obnoxious, pretend they’re your friend’s parents. You wouldn’t snap and say something you’d regret to your friend’s parents, would you?
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.