“Hey, wasn’t that cottage cheese?”
“Wasn’t this once a green pepper?”
“We ate chili two nights running, so let’s just throw the rest away.”
It’s so common to throw out food that we rarely stop to consider that it’s a huge waste of money. “Slippage” is an economic term for the difference between the estimated costs of a transaction and what you actually pay. When it comes to food, “slippage” is when you buy bananas, eat three, and throw away two. Stop now and save big.
1. Figure out what you use frequently and buy it — and only it — in bulk.
Everyone knows their staples: cereal, coffee, toilet paper — anything your family always has on hand or might make a special trip to buy. These are the only things you should ever buy in bulk at wholesale stores or discount clubs.
2. Make a meal plan and a grocery list — and stick to them.
Your list can be definite while your meal plan is hazy. Say you know you’re going out Friday and have something already for Monday but still need to cook Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Choosing the actual meat or vegetable or pasta can depend on what might be on special at the store, but you’re still sticking to your list in terms of basic items to acquire.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.