1. Ghosts in the Night
There are three relatively easy and cheap ways to make ghosts. White plastic garbage bags can be opened, a ball of wadded up newspaper stuffed into the head area, then a rubber band used to secure the neck. You can draw a face on the head with indelible black marker and hang these plastic ghosts from trees, the eaves of your house, and just about anywhere else. They are waterproof, too–a distinct advantage. You can also pick up white sheets at garage sales throughout the year, make a solid wad of newspaper for the head, and secure the neck with string. Another fabric that makes great ghosts is cheesecloth; use a white or clear balloon for the head and these ghosts will really float.
2. Scarecrow Fashion
Scarecrow clothes are a cinch to find at garage sales (ratty jeans, plaid shirts, old gloves or mittens, hats, etc.). Because straw can be a bit hard to find, use wadded up newspaper to stuff the clothes. Make the head out of plain muslin (usually less than two dollars a yard at fabric stores), and draw on the face with markers.
3. Ghoulish Graveyard
Cut headstones out of stiff cardboard or plywood (if you have access to power tools). Attach a garden stake to the back of each headstone, then pound into the ground. Paint the stones white and add goofy epitaphs.
4. Pumpkin Patch
Pumpkins are easy to grow, so why not grow your own for carving or using in arrangements? The kids will love watching the patch as it develops. If you have to buy pumpkins, you can usually pick them up cheaply — check out farmers’ markets for specials.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.