1. Leave your emotional baggage at the door. If you’re angry at your kids or your spouse or your job, it’s not our fault. Don’t take it out on us.
2. If we come up to you and say “Hello” or “Can I help you?” don’t get defensive. We’re not trying to hustle you. We’re doing our job. And sometimes we’re just being friendly. Men especially are afraid they’re being trapped.
3. Don’t return a shoe and claim it hasn’t been worn when it has. We can tell.
4. Don’t blame us if you walk five miles a day on asphalt and your feet are sore—especially if you’re wearing those pumps you bought in L.A., where nobody walks.
5. We don’t mind getting you five or ten pairs of shoes—that’s our job—but it would be nice if you walked out the door with at least one pair.
Sources: Shoe salespeople in New York, Texas, Pennsylvania and Georgia.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.