The holidays are here, and there will be lots of comings and goings — and perhaps a bit too much of staying. Sometimes friends and family are having such a good time at your celebration that they forget to go home. Of course, all good things must come to an end — and hosts need their sleep. Here’s a lighthearted look at handling party stragglers and houseguests who won’t leave.
Know How to Say Good-Bye
If guests won’t leave after a party, it’s perfectly acceptable to suggest politely that it’s time to go. Practice these phrases from expert socialites.
Abigail van Buren (Dear Abby): “Oh, dear, just look at the time! I didn’t realize it was so late. I’m going to let you nice people go home, so you can retire.”
Judith Martin (Miss Manners): “It’s been wonderful having you. We really enjoyed it. I’ll get you the train schedule. Will you be needing a ride to the station?”
Walter Sickert (British Impressionist painter): “Do come back when you’ve a little less time to spare.”
Outwit the Long-Term Lodger
If you don’t want to play host for a few days, tell aspiring guests that it will be impossible for them to stay with you, saying, perhaps, “It’s just not a good time for me.” If you don’t mind having someone stay over, be very clear about how long the person is invited to stay: “Make yourself at home, but only through Friday night — I’m having the living room painted this weekend.” Then make arrangements to have the living room painted. Here are some other ideas you might want to try (but probably shouldn’t!).
- Avoid buying a sofa bed. Offer your guests the floor.
- Put a rock under the guest mattress. Or a typewriter.
- Make sure the refrigerator is empty, or full of dairy products and turned off.
- Tell them your key is hard to use, then change the locks.
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.