1. We use the word "corruption" when we don't have a real answer
Occasionally, when trying to fix a problem, something goes wrong and some part of the system breaks or stops working, or more damage happens. I was helping a customer a couple weeks ago move email over from one system to another and accidentally lost all of his calendar items. Of course I didn't tell him it was my fault. What happened? Corruption.
2. On Google
Google will not solve everything.
Google is an amazingly helpful tool where you can find most answers to your tech questions by searching yourself... BUT I know which solutions are true and which are not. I can do a Google search for something and weed out all the illegitimate answers and know which ones make sense, which ones work, and which ones will cause more problems. The average user can't do that.
Although Google is sometimes best for everyone.
It's often easier to accomplish certain things using home based technology then the big corporate office technology. For example. Gmail vs. Microsoft Exchange. Gmail is simple and easy to use Exchange is super complicated
3. Yes, Macs are more secure, but...
...not because they are some superior machine that works perfectly, but because the majority of the world uses PCs. The criminals want to attack the majority of the world. They want to steal people's credit card information and only 0.01% of the time its going to work so they choose to attack 100 million machines vs. 20 million.
4. You can't hide anything from us
Think trashing cookies and clearing your web history are keeping you invisible? Think again. Everything still goes through my firewall, which sees all traffic when you connect to the Internet. It goes from your computer to a device that directs the traffic out. That's why we can use things like content filters that block sites like Facebook, YouTube, and pornography.
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5. It drives me crazy when
You don't listen.
If I tell you not to go to a site or to avoid doing something and you do it anyway, and then your computer gets a virus, I will not want to help you as much because I know why you're having a problem. It's because you did not follow our instructions
Or when you just ignore the work I've done to explain something.
People will ask me how to do simple tasks that I have spent time documenting for them. Read the document. I'm taking screen shots and writing instructions to make things easier for you.
6. I can't make a 4-year-old computer fast
Computers naturally slow down with age. The hardest, sometimes impossible, thing to do is make an old computer faster. You have a hard drive that spins 7,200 times a minute inside that wears out and slows down. I'll try to fix it, but sometimes new is just better.
7. Urgency is based on priority
Just because you say your problem's urgent doesn't really mean it's urgent to me. Your email not working is not as important as another customer's server being down.
8. Email me
I prefer email over phone calls. I would love to talk to you on the phone, but it's not efficient. Email me a list of your problems and questions and it's a lot easier for me to respond to them all.
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9. Sometimes we're asked to get dirt on employees a company wants to fire
I was once asked to sniff out all of an employee's traffic and show what sites she went to and how much time she spent surfing.
10. You're right
Sometimes we make 5 minute jobs last an hour.