13 Funny Job Descriptions

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Scott Adams, creator of the Dilbert comic strip, asked visitors to his website to describe their job in one sentence. Here are some responses from his site and from our readers. My job is to: Spend most of the day looking out the window.

-- Pilot

My job is to:

My job is to:
Run away and call the police.

-- Security guard

My job is to:

My job is to:
Ensure that stupid people stay in the gene pool.

-- Lifeguard

My job is to:

My job is to:
Copy and paste things on the Internet.

-- Student

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My job is to:

My job is to:
Talk in other people’s sleep.

-- University professor

My job is to:

My job is to:
And here are our Facebook fans' responses:

Shoot couples on their wedding day!

-- Photographer

My job is to:

My job is to:
Provide therapy for laptops abused by their human owners.

-- Helpdesk at an all boys high school.

My job is to:

My job is to:
Be a professional amateur, always wading into areas that I hardly know anything about.

-- Social communications researcher

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My job is to:

My job is to:
Be so fly!

-- Flight Attendant

My job is to:

My job is to:
To get your message across in advertising, you pay; in PR you pray.

-- PR practitioner

My job is to:

My job is to:
Show up even though nobody called me, get paid for an answer they knew already and to a question they never asked.

-- Consultant

My job is to:

My job is to:
House people in.

-- Property Agent.

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My job is to:

My job is to:
Lie with statistics.

-- Statistician

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Some people like to travel by train because 
it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of 
an airplane.

Dennis Miller

I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”

Kevin Nealon

“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” 
—Everyone following you on Instagram

@kristencarney

A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

Comedian Greg Davies

Funny Jokes

Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.

@sixthformpoet

Funny Jokes

Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.

From clientsfromhell.net

Funny Jokes

My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me 
everything you know.”

@NicCageMatch

Funny Jokes

“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” 
—Alcohol

@yoyoha (Josh Hara)

Funny Jokes

My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.

—Jerry Seinfeld

Funny Jokes

Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?

A: A mechanic.