13 Things HR Won’t Tell You About Keeping Your Job

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It pays to get along.

It pays to get along.
"The No. 1 thing in job security is your relationship with your boss. Even if he says, ‘I’m sorry I really wanted to keep you, but they made me lay you off,’ that’s almost never true. He probably made that decision.”—Cynthia Shapiro, former human resource executive and author of Corporate Confidential: 50 Secrets Your Company Doesn’t Want You to Know

"Even in jobs where you test applicants and those with the top scores are supposed to get the job, I’ve seen hiring managers fix scores to get the people they like." —HR representative in the manufacturing industry.

It's network or not work.

It's network or not work.
"Networking does not mean using Facebook or Linked In. It means going to events, getting your face in front of people and setting up informational interviews."—A human resources professional in New York City

Don't get too friendly with HR.

Don't get too friendly with HR.
"If you have a question, come to my office. Don't corner me in the bathroom."—HR professional at a mid-sized firm in North Carolina

"My LinkedIn profile is for myself, a way for me to find another job. It's not a way to find a job with me."—A human resources professional in New York City

"Don't stalk me."—A human resources professional in New York City

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Be professional at all times.

Be professional at all times.
"Children and hobbies do not belong on a résumé. And never, ever say, 'Now that my kids are in college, I'm ready to get back in the workforce.' "—HR professional at a mid-sized firm in North Carolina

"Someone might tell you to 'Be yourself' in the interview. Don't be yourself. That's the worst advice ever. We don't want people who are neurotic and quirky and whatever else. All we care about is your skill and experience."—Laurie Ruettimann, HR consultant and speaker in Raleigh, N.C.

"I know many of you met your former spouse at the company. But the thing is, for every one of you, there are five people it doesn't work out as well for. And your office romance can and will be held against you."—Kris Dunn, chief human resources officer at Atlanta-based Kinetix who blogs at HRcapitalist.com

"I had somebody list their prison time as a job. And an exotic dancer who called herself a 'customer service representative.' "—Sharlyn Lauby, human resources consultant in Fort Lauderdale, Fla

"It doesn't take 40 hours a week to look for a job. So if you're unemployed, do something: take classes, meet people, go to industry meetings, start a blog, read a book a week. Just don't sit on the couch and eat Doritos." —Ben Eubanks, HR professional in Alabama

Be appropriate when saying "Thank you."

Be appropriate when saying "Thank you."
"I once had someone send me Forget-me-not seeds with their thank you note. Yes, thank me for taking the time, that's great. But sending me seeds? That's weird."—Sharlyn Lauby, human resources consultant in Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

"One time a candidate sent—I love this—a thank you card with a professional picture of herself, which quite honestly became the running joke for weeks. The picture was blown up and posted in my office with hearts drawn around it."—HR director at a financial services firm

Be original with your answers during an interview.

Be original with your answers during an interview.
"In interviews, everyone works well with others, and everyone learns quickly. Please tell me something else." —HR manager in St. Cloud, Minn.

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Here's what we pay attention to:

Here's what we pay attention to:
"You're right to be paranoid. The company is always watching you, and there's a record of everything you do: every phone call, every text, every tweet and instant message. At most companies, they save that data forever."—Laurie Ruettimann, HR consultant and speaker in Raleigh, N.C.

"I know a lot more about you when you walk in the door than you realize. I'll search for you on the web and often use my own personal network to do a pre-interview reference check."—Senior HR Executive in New York City

"I have better things to do than deal with who slept with who, or who's talking about you behind your back. Sometimes I feel like a high school guidance counselor."—HR professional at a mid-sized firm in North Carolina

"If you call to check on the status of your résumé and I ask, 'What job did you apply for?'' If you don't know, you're done."—HR professional at a mid-sized firm in North Carolina

Never say yes right away.

Never say yes right away.
"Never accept the job immediately. Say you need to think about it overnight. Once you sign on the dotted line there's no room for negotiation."—A human resources professional in New York City

What to know about job security:

What to know about job security:
"When we had someone go out on disability and we knew he was faking it, we didn't want to go to court to prove it. So we put him on the end of the assembly line in a job where we knew he wouldn't succeed. Eventually, we were able to fire him." –HR pro at a mid-level staffing firm

"Generally speaking, you only put someone on paid leave if you're pretty certain that they might be terminated from the company once you do your investigation." –Kris Dunn

 "Companies do have black lists. It's not written down anywhere but it's a list of people they'd be happy to get rid of if the opportunity arises. If you feel invisible, if you're getting bad assignments, if your boss is ignoring you, or if they move your office, you're probably on it." –Cynthia Shapiro

"Your job isn't safe just because you're pregnant or a new mom. Lots of people get pink slips while they're on maternity leave. Companies can do it as part of a larger layoff, include you in there and create a justification for it." –Cynthia Shapiro

"I don't lay people off at the end of the day because I think it's rotten to get a whole workday out of someone, then lay them off. I always lay them off in the morning." –A human resources professional in New York City

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Getting fired:

Getting fired:
"If you get fired, don't just stomp out and go on with your life. The company may be willing to give you some severance, especially if you can point to someone different from you who didn't get as severe a punishment. Just saying, 'Well, I talked to my attorney' (even if you don't have an attorney) can also give you some leverage.'" —Suzanne Lucas, a former HR executive and the  "Evil HR lady" on bnet.com

"I may say 'I'm terminating you because you didn't meet performance measures.' I'm not going to say it's because you're a pain in the butt and piss people off every time you interact with them.'"—HR Manager at a healthcare facility

More secrets:

More secrets:
"I was asked by one CEO to hire the long-legged girl with the long dark hair even though she didn't have the right skills. Another time, I was instructed not to hire anyone with children because the company had too many people leaving for soccer games. That kind of thing happens all the time."—Cynthia Shapiro

"Many people think, 'If I work extra hard, I'm going to get noticed.' But it doesn't work that way. If you want to advance, some of the responsibility falls on you to toot your own horn. Make sure your supervisor and your supervisor's supervisor are well of aware of what you're contributing." –Michael Slade, HR director at Eric Mower and Associates, an integrated marketing communications agency.

 "Some companies do everybody's raises on their anniversary dates. I'm not a fan of that because if the budget comes out in January, those poor people hired in December get, 'Oh sorry, we'd like to give you more but we gave a huge increase to Bob so you're just going to get 2 percent.'" –Suzanne Lucas

"I've seen managers not hire a woman because the environment is mostly male, and they're worried that no matter how smart or talented she is, she won't fit in." –HR representative at a Fortune 500 financial services firm

 "If it's been a week or two and I tell you 'I don't have an update yet,' that often means there's a better candidate we're talking to, but we can't tell you that in case they decide not to take the job." –Recruiting consultant Rich DeMatteo. Philadelphia, Pa.

Money matters.

Money matters.
"If we ask 'What salary are you looking for?' say you're flexible, or say it depends on the responsibilities of the job. Try not to name a salary unless we really push you, because that gives us a leg up in the negotiating."—A human resources professional in New York City

"Don't lie about your salary. Ever. Even if your employer doesn't tell us (and most do), we'll find out eventually. I've terminated two people for doing that."—A human resources professional in New York City

"Yes, I have access to everyone's salary but I don't look unless I have to. There's nothing worse than having to reprimand someone, and then seeing they make $60,000 more than me."—HR professional at a midsize firm in North Carolina

"Don't ever tell me that you have to have this job because you're going to lose your house, your kids have nothing to eat, your mother has cancer. Companies aren't a charity."—Suzanne Lucas

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Your résumé:

Your résumé:
"We get résumés on fancy schmantzy papers. We get them with gold-pressed lettering. We get them in binders and in document protectors with ribbons. None of that sways me."—HR Manager in St. Cloud, Minnesota

"98 percent of the résumés we receive when we post a position on a big jobs site are junk, come from people who are nowhere near qualified. We'll get a guy who's a bar manager applying for a director of public affairs position. Or a shoe salesman. That's why we like posting jobs on websites that target specific industries."—Michael Slade, HR director at Eric Mower and Associates, an integrated marketing communications agency.

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28 thoughts on “13 Things HR Won’t Tell You About Keeping Your Job

  1. Job seekers are continually told that they need to stand out, then an HR director says something like this: “One time a candidate sent – I love this – a thank you card with a professional picture of herself, which quite honestly became the running joke for weeks. The picture was blown up and posted in my office with hearts drawn around it.” –HR director at a financial services firm”
    This just epitomizes how childish and unprofessional HR departments really are.

  2. Wow, this is monstrous.  It’s a constant run-around, and this article has really turned off trusting ANY HR scum anymore.

    I mean, I always knew HR wasn’t there for YOU (they’re there to keep your boss out of hot water when he gets inappropriate with you, even if that means making stuff up to get rid of you), but the HR people in this article seem like a bunch of self-righteous punks.

  3. >>”Never accept the job immediately. Say you need to think about it
    overnight. Once you sign on the dotted line there’s no room for
    negotiation.” –A human resources professional in New York City

    In today’s economy, unless this is a high level executive position, you’re the only person who’s vying for this position, or they have approached -you- offering you the job this kind of waffling will probably see them hire someone else. How would that honestly look if YOU go to THEM for a job, then YOU tell THEM “Eh, I need to think about it for a day.” when THEY tell YOU “You’ve got the job, when can you start?”. How big a slap in the face is that to the company offering to give you work, support you, feed your family, ect after you submitted yourself to them as an applicant? It makes it seem as if you are purposefully wasting their time and I know I personally wouldn’t be trusting you as far as I could throw you with the impression that you don’t really -need- the job and could choose to abandon it at any time, if you take it in the first place. There’s cool confidence, and there’s arrogant disrespect, this asinine HR “proffesional” obviously doesn’t know the difference.

    1. I disagree with u.Its always good to think the offer over. It gives you leverage to negotiate.

  4. let’s see…. you have to set yourself apart but don’t. I mean don’t use distiguished paper on resume; nor send unusual thank you note. All professionally prepared resumes look alike & sometimes even resemble the applicant they were made for. That’s luck!. HR folks then need to weed thru all the nonsense to find out what the person really did on his job. In the end it’s all about personality which is the number one qualification in the selective process all things being equal and even not so equal. The quickness with which HR people dismiss resumes because of some small quirk, be it a typo or something else, can eliminate potentially their BEST employee.

  5. There is a reason why Personnel (I refuse to cave in to the PC mob and call it HR) is termed a ‘burden department’ by savvy senior managers.

    1. Those same ‘savvy senior managers’ are the same ones whose messes HR has to clean up, because they don’t follow procedures that were designed to protect them, and the firm.

  6.  “One time a candidate sent – I love this – a thank you card with a professional picture of herself,
    which quite honestly became the running joke for weeks. The picture was
    blown up and posted in my office with hearts drawn around it.”

    That’s professional.

  7.  

    I for one would

    NEVER

    work anywhere or at any company
    that has an HR department.

    1. Yes.  F-it.  This is the type of thinking that got us into this mess.  I was actually embarrassed by the money I was making….  ….up to the point where I got laid off and could not find a job for three years.  HR=Human Wreckage.  They are worthless scum.

      1. You did read the comment where it stated that it’s usually the manager’s decision to let someone go, right? Or is it just easier to blame HR?

  8. And reading all of these reasons is exactly why I left the corporate world. So glad to be a stay at home mom now. :-)

  9. “We check you out on the web.” Ok last time I googled my own name absolutely nothing came up about me, and I went through 25 pages. I’m not on the net. Period. How do you know you have the real me? Also my facebook is set to private, I don’t even have my picture or my kids picture as the profile picture. I have a picture of a cute puppy, not even mine. Good luck getting info from there.

  10. How extremely unprofessional of them to do that to the picture. I am happy the candidate didn’t get hired there!

    1. Agreed. That sounded like some immature high school BS, when all that person was trying to do was get a job by thinking outside the box. Nowadays when it’s so competitive, who can blame her for trying something new. Those people are gross bullies.

  11. You guys commenting are off topic! This isn’t about hiring, it’s about KEEPING your f*****g job.
    Prime examples of bullshit. Maybe you should actually pay attention. Dorks.

    1. Maybe you should recognize how upset you are over an insipid article on CNN.

  12. I have been on both sides of the interview. What I have learned that by the time you are selected for an interview the company already knows you are a qualified applicant, they are looking for the candidate’s personality to fit into the company environment.

  13.  …Try not to name a salary unless we really push you, because that gives us a leg up in the negotiating.”

    That would ANNOY me and, with other candidates to choose from, why be annoyed?

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