Take This Job and Shove It

Please Fire Me is a collection of sad and funny workplace rants. Here, a few of our favorites from clock punchers forced to suffer crazy nine-to-fives.

from Reader's Digest magazine | October 2011

Take This Job and Shove It© Pixland/Thinkstock
Please Fire Me, by Jill Morris and Adam Chromy (Citadel Press, $14.95), collects dozens of hilarious vents from anonymous clock punchers forced to put up with various forms of crazy nine-to-five. Here are a few of our favorites:

“Please fire me. Last week a coworker asked me, ‘What day is Black History Month?’”

“Please fire me. Our HR girl overheard me describing the plot of The Road to a coworker, you know, the book about survivors of nuclear Armageddon who are being chased across a deserted America by anarchist cannibals. She asked, ‘Was that based on a true story?’”

“Please fire me. My coworker eats Cocoa Krispies every day. Dry. Soon he’ll be by to spit bits of them at me when he speaks.”

“Please fire me. I just caught my old boss copying down my goals from last year’s review and noting them as his own for this year.”

“Please fire me. My team leader took a digital picture of everyone’s face and pasted it to an animal cutout. Now each employee is a different animal on the ‘productivity’ board. Whoever does the most work each week gets one step closer to the piece of meat that person’s animal likes to eat, which is glued to the other end of the poster. I’m the bison.”

Your turn! Share your “Please fire me” rants with us in the comments box below, and catch more anonymous workplace fun at PleaseFireMe.com.

  • Your Comments

    • Samuel_osborn

      a coworker hasn’t showed up to work in 5 days, he pointed out, yet he is getting a promotion, a pay raise, and they erased his attendance record.

    • http://twitter.com/JillMorris Jill Morris

      I had no idea my Twitter would post here. What will you think up next, Internet?