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I know enough to know that when you're in a pickle… call Mom.-- Jennifer Garner in InStyle
We spend the first 12 months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk, and the next 12 years telling them to sit down and shut up.
-- Phyllis Diller
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
-- Carol Burnett
Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
-- Erma Bombeck
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
-- Fran Lebowitz
Motherhood is a wonderful thing. What a pity to waste it on children.
-- Judith Pugh
Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
A king, realizing his incompetence, can either delegate or abdicate his duties. A father can do neither. If only his sons could see the paradox, they would understand the dilemma.
-- Marlene Dietrich
Nothing you do for children is ever wasted. They seem not to notice us, hovering, averting our eyes, and they seldom offer thanks, but what we do for them is never wasted.
-- Garrison Keillor
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
-- Milton Berle
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