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Maine
After surveying property along the New Hampshire and Maine border, some engineers decided the boundaries needed to be changed. So they stopped to tell a farmer that he was no longer in Maine but in New Hampshire. "Good," said the farmer. "I couldn't take another one of those Maine winters."
Maryland
An admiral is standing by a candy machine at the Naval Academy in Annapolis when he stops a plebe walking by. "Sailor, do you have change for a dollar?"
"Sure, buddy," says the plebe, rooting around his pocket.
"That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?"
The plebe snaps to attention and barks, "No, sir!"
Massachusetts
Lewis Black on Boston traffic: "The last person to get across that town in under three hours was yelling, 'The British are coming! The British are coming!'"
Michigan
What do you call 40 guys watching the Super Bowl on television? The Detroit Lions.
Minnesota
What are the four seasons in Minnesota? Almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.
Mississippi
How do you know when you're staying in a Mississippi hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I've gotta leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead."
Missouri
A man from Kansas City walks into a bar and asks, "Wanna hear a joke about people from St. Louis?"
The bartender says, "Listen, pal, I'm from St. Louis, and I won't appreciate it. The man sitting next to you is 265 pounds, and he's from St. Louis too. And the bouncer, that huge guy there, is also from St. Louis. So do you still want to tell that joke?"
"No," says the guy from Kansas City. "Not if I have to explain it three times."
Montana
Four women are driving across the country together, each one from a different state: Idaho, Nebraska, Montana, and California. Shortly after the trip begins, the woman from Idaho pulls potatoes from her bag and throws them out the window. "What are you doing?" asks the Nebraskan.
"We have so many of these things in Idaho, I'm sick of looking at them."
A moment later, the gal from Nebraska pulls ears of corn from her bag and tosses them from the window. "What are you doing?" asks the gal from Montana.
"We have so many of these things in Nebraska, I'm sick of looking at them."
Inspired, the Montanan opens the car door and kicks the Californian out.
Nebraska
See our funny Nebraska cartoon.
Nevada
Las Vegas: All the amenities of modern society in a habitat unfit to grow a tomato.
--Jason Love
New Hampshire
The state motto is "Live Free or Die," which appears on license plates made by prisoners.
--Jon Stewart on The Daily Show
New Jersey
As you know, the bear hunting season in New Jersey is a little bit different. First they shoot the bear and then they bury it in a construction site.
--Late Show with David Letterman (CBS)
New Mexico
Traveling outside Taos, a man comes upon a Native American lying in the middle of the road with his ear pressed against the blacktop. "What are you doing?" asks the man.
The tribesman replies, "Woman, late 30s, three kids, one barking dog in late model, four-door station wagon, traveling at 65 mph."
"Amazing! You can tell all of that just by listening to the ground?"
"No," says the Native American. "They ran over me five minutes ago."
New York
I moved to New York City for my health. I'm paranoid, and it was the only place where my fears were justified.
--Anita Weiss
North Carolina
On his first trip to Boston, the North Carolinian met a girl at a bar and asked her, "Do you go to Harvard?"
The girl responded, "Yale."
"Okay. DO YOU GO TO HARVARD?!"
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