Our 50 Funniest (True!) Stories (page 2 of 5)

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Child's Play

10. We rushed our four-year-old son, Ben, to the emergency room with a terrible cough, high fever, and vomiting. The doctor did an exam, then asked Ben what bothered him the most. After thinking it over, Ben said hoarsely, "I would have to say my little sister."
--Angela Schmid

11. "Once in Virginia," said a speaker who had received an introduction that promised more than he felt he could deliver, "I passed a small church displaying a large sign. It read 'Annual Strawberry Festival' and, below in small letters, 'On account of the Depression, prunes will be served.'"
--Boston Transcript

12. The best advice I ever received came to me from my ensign when I was a Wave at boot camp. She told me, "To stay out of trouble, say 'Yes, sir' all day and 'No, sir' all night."
--Anonymous

13. A friend and I were hitchhiking, but no one would stop. "Maybe it's our long hair," I joked. With that, my friend scrawled on a piece of cardboard: "Going to the barber's." Within seconds we had our ride.
--Raymond Butkus

14. A male friend of mine, an engineer at an aircraft company, works for a woman supervisor. An active member of women's lib groups, she often shows up at work wearing buttons featuring feminist slogans. One day, her latest button, "Adam was a rough draft," proved too much for my friend. The next day, he showed up at work sporting his own button: "Eve was no prime rib."
--Phyllis Reely

15. The teacher in one of our local grade schools was showing a copy of the Declaration of Independence to her pupils. It passed from desk to desk and finally to Luigi, a first-generation American. The boy studied the document reverently. Then, before passing it on, he gravely added his own signature.
--Katherine T. Floyd

16. On the way back from a Cub Scouts meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. "Dad, I know that babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?" he asked innocently.
After my son hemmed and hawed for a while, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. "You don't have to make something up, Dad. It's okay if you don't know the answer."
--Harry Neidig

17. Driving with my two young boys to a funeral, I tried to prepare them by talking about burial and what we believe happens after death. The boys behaved well during the service. But at the gravesite, I discovered my explanations weren't as thorough as I'd thought. In a loud voice, my four-year-old asked, "Mom?"
"Yes," I whispered.
"What's in the box?"
--Ginny Richards

18. A family was celebrating their daughter's fifth birthday at a local restaurant when the little girl's father noticed her looking sadly at a moose head on the wall.
Someone had placed a party hat on its head. Her father knelt beside her and explained why some people hunt animals.
"I know all that," the child sobbed. "But why did they have to shoot him at his birthday party?"
--Jerry Bundick

19. On the last night of our childbirth classes, our teacher took us to see the maternity center.
We were gathered by the door when a woman, clearly in labor, and her nervous husband came rushing in.
When he saw our group of pregnant women, he panicked: "Oh, my God. Look at the size of that line!"
--Rachel Zeboski

20. We had just finished listening to an old Simon and Garfunkel tune when my young daughter asked, "Well, did he?"
"Did he what?" I asked back.
"Did Parsley save Rosemary in time?"
--Ron Pearce

21. A woman from our office brought in her new bundle of joy along with her seven-year-old son. Everyone gathered around the baby, and the little boy asked, "Mommy, can I have some money to buy a soda?"
"What do you say?" she said.
He replied, "You're thin and beautiful."
The woman reached into her purse and gave her son the money. --Mercury Nickse

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Thanks for this-I needed a laugh and a few of these brought tears to my eyes. Who needs nicotine replacement therapy. I have this!

By honyb50, on 02/10/2009

Since I've discovered Reader's Digest online, when I'm feeling a little blue, I just have to log on to your site, and look for your funniest true stories, and that's absolutely the best way to brighten my day, and other's as I pass on the especially funny stories to other people to cheer them up!

By jboogiegirl58, on 12/22/2008

The other day, while standing in line for a register at a supermarket, I saw your September 2008 issue. The cover photo was the cutest baby photo I have ever seen. It literally makes my soul smile. (Especially after a particualrly challenging year) I bought the issue and it now sits on my desk at work, to cheer me up daily. Where can I find the cover on your website? I would like to email it to my sisters in South Africa so they can see what I am talking about....

By cmarques1, on 10/23/2008

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