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22. When a nun collapsed in the sales representative's office at our time-share resort, the rep ran to the front-desk manager."Two nuns walked into the sales office, and one of them fainted!" she yelled breathlessly.
Unfazed, the manager just looked at her.
"Well," said the rep, "aren't you going to do anything?"
He replied, "I'm waiting for the punch line."
--Donna Caplan
23. Although desperate for work, I passed on a job that I'd found on an employment website. It was for a wastewater plant operator. Among the job requirements: "Must be able to swim."
--Michael Leamons
24. My first job was wrapping hams at a meatpacking plant. One day, I was heading out the main gate right behind a woman who was rather rotund. Or so I thought.
Just as she passed the guard shack, a ham dropped from her skirt. Before the guard could react, she wheeled around, shouting, "All right, who threw the ham?"
--Roger Schoen
25. While I was shopping in a pharmacy, a couple of teenagers came in. They were dressed in leather, chains, and safety pins. The boy had blue and purple spiked hair and the girl's hair was bright yellow. Suddenly the boy picked up a pair of sunglasses and tried them on. "What do you think?" he asked his girlfriend.
"Take them off!" she howled. "They make you look ridiculous."
--Audrey Kelly
26. My brother Jim was hired by a government agency and assigned to a small office cubicle in a large area. At the end of his first day, he realized he had no idea how to get out. He wandered around, lost in the maze of cubicles and corridors. Just as panic began to set in, he came upon another employee in a cubicle. "How do you get out of here?" Jim asked.
The fellow smiled and said, "No cheese for you."
--Christine Probasco
27. I am five feet three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room. The triage nurse asked for my height and weight, and I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight and 125 pounds." "Sweetheart," my mother gently chided, "this is not the Internet."
--M.M.
28. Anytime companies merge, employees worry about layoffs. When the company I work for was bought, I was no exception. My fears seemed justified when a photo of the newly merged staff appeared on the company's website with the following words underneath: "Updated daily."
--Dianne Stevens
One for the Road
29. Our first day at a resort, my wife and I decided to hit the beach. When I went back to our room to get something to drink, one of the hotel maids was making our bed. I grabbed my cooler and was on my way out when I paused and asked, "Can we drink beer on the beach?"
"Sure," she said, "but I have to finish the rest of the rooms first."
--Louis Allard
30. My friend John and I, determined to see the world, signed on to a Norwegian freighter as deckhands. We were being trained as helmsmen, and John's first lesson was given by the mate, a seasoned but gentle white-haired seafarer. John was holding the heading he'd been given, when the mate ordered, "Come starboard."
Pleased at knowing which way starboard was, John left the helm and walked over to his instructor. As the helm swung freely, the mate politely asked, "Could you bring the ship with you?"
--Bruce Ingraham
31. Sitting in coach during a lengthy flight, my wife and I heard a flight attendant ask the high-paying passengers in first class, "Would you care for Chardonnay or Burgundy?"
A few minutes later, the curtains between the two sections parted, and the attendant wheeled the wine cart back to our aisle. "Excuse me," he said, looking down at us, "would you care for a glass of wine? We have white and red."
--William V. Copeland
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