The Proper Restaurant Etiquette and More Questions Answered

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Life's Little Etiquette Conundrums

The scene: a restaurant. Everyone at the table has finished eating save one slowpoke...er...gourmand. Should your waiter clear the plates so diners don't have to stare at the half-eaten remains in front of them, or should he wait until everyone is finished so he doesn't rush the slowpoke...er...gourmand?

Oh, the controversy! I've consulted dozens of servers, and all report anxiety over this one. America, it appears, is in the midst of a plate-clearing revolution. In Europe, a server would never remove a plate before all diners were finished. Americans are impatient, so we'll surrender our garbage to any passing busboy. This is rude to the poky eater. Everybody slow down! Chew your food. Enjoy the dining experience. Servers: Don't rush us!


Question
One look at my husband and me and you'd say we've got the perfect marriage. After 25 years together, we have two beautiful daughters, a great home, and few worries. Except this one: My husband refuses to be intimate with me. It's not as if I'm grotesque. I still fit into my high school jeans. And he insists he's not gay. We've gone to marriage counselors but with no luck. I don't want to give him ultimatums—I just want his arms around me. Am I missing something?
-- Unloved


Dear Unloved,
"You are not alone; this situation is more common than you realize. There are many possible explanations: Maybe the two of you have different levels of physical desire, maybe your husband is depressed, maybe you just don't do it for him anymore, or maybe there's another underlying cause. The question to ask yourself is whether the other, wonderful parts of your life together—the girls, the house, the security—are enough to offset your unmet needs. Make sure he knows how desperate you feel."

Question
I made the mistake of giving an acquaintance my e-mail address. Now I'm the unhappy recipient of 20 forwarded messages a day. On top of that, I ran into her recently, and she guilt-tripped me for not responding to any of her e-mails. How can I get delisted?
-- Bombarded

Dear Bombarded,
"I feel your pain. There's nothing like being forced to download a dancing chicken while you're trying to work. My suggestion? E-mail her a request to be removed from the list. Blame it on a virus if you want, but really, no explanation is necessary. If she thinks you're rude, so be it. You're not. You're merely protecting your own space. A note to all serial forwarders: Stop and think! Make sure you're sending only to those who've asked to be included in the circle."

Question
Since we started a family late in life, my husband and I have decided to have only one child to dote on rather than an entire brood. But now that our little girl has turned four, she yearns to be a big sister. Any advice on how to tell her she'll always be the one and only apple of our eyes?
-- Flummoxed Mom

Dear Flummoxed,
"Today your four-year-old wants a little sister; tomorrow it's a puppy. Everything is all make-believe at this point. Only children often long for siblings, but the worst thing you can do is try to talk her out of her feelings. Don't tell her she's lucky to get all your attention. That sort of talk only makes a child feel more lonely because she may think no one understands. Instead, look for ways to link her with cousins and friends to help her know she's a vital part of a loving extended family."

Question
My terminally ill husband got off the phone with his sister in worse spirits than when he got on. She lost her husband a few years back and broke down, saying she couldn't stand the thought of losing him too. Of all people, she should know how important it is to keep his mind off his troubles. Should I cut ties with such a selfish person?
-- Sad

Dear Sad,
"Your whole family is in pain right now, and people don't tend to be selfless when they're howling in agony. Call yoursister-in-law and offer her your ear to spare your husband the added burden of her troubles. You and she will likely be able to offer each other some support, having, as you do, quitea lot in common.

You have my sympathies, but she is a widow and you may soon become one. Stick together.

From Reader's Digest - June 2008

 

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Our cat, Figaro, comes home between 10 or 11 at night to eat. If he's late, I turn on the carport light and call him until he appears.One day my daughter was explaining to a friend where we live, and her friend said, "Is that anywhere near the house where the woman stands on her steps late at night and sings opera?"   

-- Margaret Mathes