From In the Driver's Seat
When I interviewed Tom Cruise on April 7, 2005, the often controversial actor was just beginning his media campaign to promote War of the Worlds. We talked about his religion (Scientology), growing up with three sisters and no dad at home, and his role as father to daughter Isabella, 13, and son Connor, 11, who were adopted during his marriage to Nicole Kidman. At the time, Cruise said that he was dating but not in a relationship, but conceded that he was anxious to find love again -- to find someone with whom he could settle down. Our meeting took place just two weeks before he was spotted holding hands with new flame Katie Holmes. Now, as the first pictures of the pair's baby girl Suri hit newsstands, Reader's Digest revisits our conversation with one of the world's biggest movie stars.Change terrifies most of us. Not Tom Cruise. Want proof? His dad abandoned his family, and he grew up poor. But he stuck close to his mom and sisters, and transformed himself into the biggest movie star in the world. He couldn't read, and teachers said he was dyslexic. But Cruise wouldn't accept that, and finally found the answer he needed -- in church. He appears to thrive on pressures and responsibilities, getting up every morning, strapping on his million-watt smile and going at life hard.
Okay -- this is Tom Cruise we're talking about, one of the highest-paid actors in Hollywood. But when he was born Thomas Cruise Mapother IV nearly 43 years ago, he didn't have money, influence or famous friends. What he had was Mary Lee, his tough, optimistic mom, and a determination not to be just a good-looking Average Joe. "I don't agree with people who say, 'Don't change,' " he says. "When I was a kid, I said, 'Man, I hope life gets better. I hope I change.' "
Cruise worked hard, moving to New York, then Los Angeles, to begin acting, but today credits much of his success to the Church of Scientology, the controversial religion he adopted in his 20s, which has, he says, put him in the driver's seat of life. An advantage of his particular driver's seat is the life he can create for Isabella, 12, and Connor, 10, the children he adopted with actress Nicole Kidman, whom he divorced in 2001.
Which leads to one of the next big things Cruise would like to change: his status as a single guy. To discuss that notion and much more, the War of the Worlds star sat down with RD in Los Angeles.
RD: For years you've talked about wanting to give back, in thanks for your success. You've even helped rescue accident victims and such. Why is it important to you to help others?
Cruise: I was the kid who would help at a nursing home, who would walk people across the street. I wanted to help. I like seeing people do well. Life's about helping each other.
RD: Growing up, you must have wished for some help yourself. Your parents divorced, your mother juggled jobs, and your family didn't have much money.
Cruise: We helped each other. Either you can look at something in a negative way or you can look in a positive way, and then reach to improve. I always thought, How am I going to make this better?
RD: Were you always close to your sisters?
Cruise: Always. Being raised with women, I saw their side of things, how if something happened with a boyfriend, it upset them. I got an understanding.
RD: You seem to have a real respect for women. What is it that you like so much about them?
Cruise: They smell good. [Laughs] They look pretty. I love women. I do.
RD: Was your mom strict? Did she insist that you all work?
Cruise: She didn't have to. We didn't have any money! And it was actually great. This whole idea of not letting children work is ridiculous. I loved working, having my own money, buying things. I took great pride in that.
RD: You reconciled with your father before he died. What was that like?
Cruise: I saw him right before he died, and some of the tools I'd acquired helped me understand him better -- what he was going through and who he was. So I don't feel regret.
RD: Did you feel forgiveness?
Cruise: I understand, which is more important than forgiving.
RD: This man abandoned your family. In the end, did he apologize?
Cruise: You look at people in his position, and you feel bad for them, for what they missed in life. My mom raised us. She saw the glass as half-full. There were of a lot of people that were a hell of a lot better off than we were, but I didn't care. We didn't complain. We worked together. And as a result, we were very close. So I wasn't even looking for an apology from my father. I just wanted to understand him. And I understand now.
Anything is Possible
RD: You were Catholic originally.Cruise: Well, we went from Episcopalian, to atheist, to Catholic ...
RD: What does Scientology offer that those religions didn't?
Cruise: First of all, there are Baptist Scientologists, other Christian Scientologists. Scientology is an applied religious philosophy. You learn tools that you can apply to your life. It gives me a greater understanding of myself, greater compassion, the ability to help others in a way that I've always wanted to. It's helped me raise my children, to understand what they're going through. I went from someone who was basically a functional illiterate to someone who flies airplanes.
RD: Even doing loop-the-loops?
Cruise: Doing loop-the-loops, running a company, producing movies, being able to be in a situation where I'm in the driver's seat of my life. Just by applying those tools, all the doors are wide open to whatever I want to learn.
RD: You were diagnosed dyslexic as a child, right?
Cruise: Yes, but I didn't buy it. [When I got older] I tried speed-reading. I hired tutors. And I was just hitting this wall. It never made sense to me. I was very, very frustrated. I had a reading problem, no question. I was, from their definition, dyslexic, and, in their definition, I probably had ADD. I would ask, "Why am I having this problem? How do I resolve this?" They can't tell you why. There's no resolution.
RD: Did they want to medicate you?
Cruise: Yes, but Mom wanted to kill them. She said, "No way. No way." The amount of pressure brought to bear today is significantly different. It's like involuntary drugging that's legal.
RD: When did things being to change?
Cruise: In my 20s, I went through the basic Scientology tools and realized instantly that I'd found the answer. I was able to read.
RD: That was an important lesson for you. What do you most want your children to learn about life?
Cruise: I've told them anything is possible. But unless they know it for themselves and you give them the tools, it doesn't mean anything. I started them when they were young, first swimming, then riding, hiking, climbing. It's giving them confidence to learn, to instill in them a sense of integrity, compassion and understanding.
RD: It sounds like you emphasize physical things to help learn.
Cruise: Well, physical is mental. You can't separate the two.
RD: What do you think your strength is as a parent?
Cruise: Everything! [Laughs] I'm a great parent! I want to be my kids. Are you kidding me? [Laughs] They're happy. Truly. Really, they get to do all the stuff that I wanted to do when I was growing up.
RD: You and Nicole [Kidman] share custody, right?
Cruise: I'm not going to discuss that. But yes, we are raising our children.
Unafraid
RD: Do you want to be married again and have more children?Cruise: Yeah, yeah. I love kids. And I'd like to get married. I'll tell you what I love. I like being in a relationship. That's just who I am. You know, sex means something to me. When I'm with a woman, I feel that. It just means something. I want that, you know?
RD: So how does Tom Cruise, single guy, find a girlfriend?
Cruise: [Laughs] They call me up.
RD: How's it going?
Cruise: I'm dating, but I don't have a girlfriend.
RD: And you're confident you'll find somebody?
Cruise: I have to. [Laughs] There has to be that woman out there. I want to be with someone who's going to be a lot of fun. Someone who doesn't mind traveling, loves children, loves a lot of activity. Someone I can really trust, someone who can really communicate, someone who enjoys life.
RD: You're one of the best-looking guys in the world, one of the most successful movie stars alive. How do you keep your ego in check?
Cruise: I don't think about me that much. I'm thinking about my kids. Am I doing enough? What more can I do to make their lives better? What more can I do to help my friends and family? Those are the things that keep me up at night.
RD: Okay -- something we have to get out of the way. You know that scene in Risky Business?
Cruise: Which one?
RD: Come on. The underwear scene.
Cruise: [Laughs] Oh, the underwear scene ...
RD: Do you ever do that -- play air guitar to music in your underwear -- just for fun, when you're home alone?
Cruise: Oh, yeah. Of course I do that. I still put on the music and do that.
RD: Another deep question: Does Tom Cruise have an e-mail address?
Cruise: Oh, holy smokes. I don't have e-mail. When I was doing Mission: Impossible, everyone was using e-mail, so they got it for me. The next day, there are 50 messages. I'm the kind of person -- if someone phones, I have to return the call. It's rude not to. So, my God, there are 50 e-mails?! Some of them are, "Hi, how are you?" I can't handle it. I'm a father; I'm producing a movie; I'm working. I don't have time to type out 50 e-mails.
RD: A lot of people ignore e-mails.
Cruise: I cannot do that. I said, "That's it. Take this thing out of here."
RD: Do you ever think about slowing down, working less?
Cruise: I love my work. It's all part of life -- work, kids, everything. Sometimes I'm stretched a little thin, but I wouldn't trade it. I am the only limitation I have. I always knew that ultimately I am responsible for myself. A lot of people say, "I can't do this because ..." I don't believe that. If you agree with that, you're dead.
RD: Are you ever able to relax?
Cruise: I do relax. I'm just not interested in going to the beach and lying down. I want to go to the beach and surf or go scuba. I like living life. I fly my airplanes, I hang out with my kids or go out on a date.
RD: So after War of the Worlds, do you believe in aliens?
Cruise: I think it's beyond arrogance to think that we're the only ones, that there's nothing out there.
RD: Are you afraid of anything?
Cruise: No.
Read more: Exclusive quotes from Tom Cruise you can't read anywhere else.