From A Profound Sweetness
It can't be easy playing America's sweetheart all of the time. You've got to be nice, but you can't be a pushover. You've got to be smart, but you can't be too brainy. You've got to be beautiful, but not too sexy, please. Most of all, you've got to be certain about the transforming power of love. After all, millions of moviegoers count on the notion that if you can find romance, maybe they can as well.So when Meg Ryan's latest film, Kate & Leopold, arrived in the theaters, hopeful romantics -- and plenty of hopeless ones too -- breathed a sigh of relief. The movie puts Ryan right where many people love her best, as the wary but optimistic female lead in an old-fashioned romantic comedy. Kate & Leopold marks Ryan's return to the genre after a two-year absence, during which she made Proof of Life, a dark thriller about a woman whose husband is kidnapped by South American rebels. And it comes on the heels of the most dramatic period of her real life, the breakup of her marriage to Dennis Quaid, her husband of nearly a decade.
Happily, though, Meg Ryan the actress hasn't lost her touch -- and Meg Ryan the woman hasn't lost her faith. Ryan's Kate is a stressed-out executive with no time for men, until she meets Leopold, a 19th-century duke transported through time, played by Hugh Jackman.
Offscreen, Ryan, 40, says she's more at peace than ever. She's content right now to just hang out with the man in her life, her son, Jack, 9. Yes, she still believes in love, and yes, she'd like to have more kids. But later. Because she's perfectly happy on her own.
To interview the woman born Margaret Mary Emily Anne Hyra, we called on author Sara Davidson, who's written about women, spirituality and the joys of an unexpected personal romance.
Ryan confirms she's more than just the sum of her characters -- not that we ever really doubted that. She's a doting mother, a harried single parent, an amicable ex-spouse, a devoted friend, a spiritual seeker and, as she discovered anew last fall, a patriot. She's naturally funny and an optimist. For those last two, especially, her timing couldn't be better. So, like the woman said in the deli scene in When Harry Met Sally, we'll have what she's having.
Davidson: In these dark times, do you think we need films to make us laugh?
Ryan: I think we need anything that's going to enliven spirit. I was so grateful when, after the eleventh, I finally saw something on TV that really made me laugh. I think it was a commercial, but I was so grateful to be laughing.
Davidson: Is being funny something you have to work hard at?
Ryan: No. I'm funny. I'm just a funny person. But I think I'm really tuned into the rhythm of this particular genre -- romantic comedy.
Davidson: Your latest movie, Kate & Leopold, is a movie about...
Ryan: The transporting power of love, and gentility and chivalry and how we could use some of that. What's unique about this movie is that the sweetness is so profound. And it doesn't apologize for its sentiment. Jim Mangold [the director] wanted to make a movie that was funny and -- it sounds really woo-woo to say -- you just feel the love coming off the screen at you.
Variations of Feeling
Davidson: Why do women identify with you so much in these roles?Ryan: Because the romantic comedies are such fables. 'Cause they're generally about a kind of deep belief in the power of love.
Davidson: And the possibility of finding true love?
Ryan: That yes, it's out there, and there's a lot of hopefulness. Because the world can beat that out of you, you know?
Davidson: Do you still believe in romance?
Ryan: Oh, yeah. I believe in it, but my life is so different than it's ever been, and I'm so happy about the way it looks. It's the first time I've ever said, "Okay, this is really right."
Davidson: At some point do you see yourself having a partner again?
Ryan: Right now I'm happy to be alone. I've never been alone. I'm sure there'll come a time when it'll get old, but right now I like it.
Davidson: Are you closer to women than men right now?
Ryan: Probably more women. They don't get bored talking to you about the same thing. Like you call up and go, "I'm not over this yet. I might sound like a broken record but you gotta..." I think women have more patience with each other.
Davidson: What does your life look like now?
Ryan: I have a lot more energy for myself, which I haven't had for a really, really long time. I'm taking more pictures; I write more; I'm taking a lot more time deciding what kinds of movies I want to do. I'm working on this part right now that requires so much research.
Davidson: Can you tell us a bit about it?
Ryan: I'm doing this movie [Against the Ropes] about one of the few women who have successfully managed a boxing champion. She has succeeded in a world where it's very unlikely for a woman to ever succeed. I'm learning how to box; I have to understand the boxing world, and I've got to understand her.
Davidson: You actually learned to box?
Ryan: Oh, yeah. It's fun. I can't believe it -- it's really fun.
Davidson: You mean it's fun getting hit?
Ryan: I don't get hit. I just spar and hit the other glove. I don't know what it must be like to get hit. And at night I sit at home and watch boxing movies.
Davidson: You've gone through many transitions in the last couple of years. How old were you when your parents divorced?
Ryan: Sixteen? Fifteen.
Davidson: Did that influence your decision about your divorce?
Ryan: First of all, it was long in coming. Dennis and I wanted to make sure Jack was well tended to, so maybe we overdid it. His emotional health was so important to both of us. And he's great right now and able to articulate himself. I'm sure he'll be resentful down the line or something, but right now I think we did, so far, a really good job.
Davidson: You seem to have made the transition from being married to being partners in raising a child. How did you manage to do that without the acrimony that usually comes with divorce?
Ryan: Well, believe me, there's some acrimony. But it's not overwhelming. And I guess we're just both so in love with our kid, and his innocence is important to both of us, that we really wanna preserve that for him. And there's a lotta love still all around, everywhere, but you know, it wasn't working. They say that 90 percent of how well [kids] adjust has to do with the relationship that the parents have with each other. So you're required to work on your relationship in order for them to have some emotional health during all of it. Jack's not just happy or sad. The guy knows a lot about the variations of feeling. It's really been hard, but there's a lot of great stuff that's come along too.
Rock Solid Routines
Davidson: You've said that being a hands-on mother is really important. How do you manage that, particularly now being a single mom?Ryan: Really the structure of Jack's life hasn't changed very much. Before he was five he was always with me. But for the most part, since Jack started school, he would either be with Dennis or with me. And the same is happening now. Dennis is working, and I have Jack. When I work, Dennis'll have him.
Davidson: Is being a single mom difficult for you?
Ryan: Sometimes it's just an overwhelming amount of work. Just slotting things into your day and getting to school in time to pick him up and getting all that done. Women have this ability to multitask, and I think because we are capable of it, we abuse ourselves with it, you know? I think men are much more myopic and much more directional. We have a capacity like that, and I feel that mine was overused at times.
Davidson: Give me an example.
Ryan: Well, I have to figure out a way I'm gonna be able to go to Moms 'n' Muffins and still make it to New York at a particular time to have a meeting on another movie. When I go to New York I have to go for all of about ten hours and then come right back because I'm in charge of Jack at the moment and I don't want him to be by himself.
Davidson: What's Moms 'n' Muffins?
Ryan: Moms 'n' Muffins is where all the moms bring muffins, and we hang out with our kids on a particular day and do mom things with them at school.
Davidson: Could you tell me a little about him?
Ryan: He's a real performer. He must get it from Dennis because I'm not really a natural performer. He will get up onstage in those school productions and just sing out, man. He's remarkable. He's beautiful. He can play the blues -- on piano -- like nobody's business. He's really, really funny. And you know, he's kind. Dennis and I are always amazed. He's gotta say "thank you" to people. He doesn't ignore anybody. You catch him mediating between his friends. [Dennis and I] call each other and say, "Oh, my God, you know what he said?" And, "You know what he did?" "Where'd he get that?"
Davidson: Most kids love the comfort of their everyday rituals. Do you have a routine with him?
Ryan: It's so rock solid, from when he gets home from school to when he goes to bed. He gets his homework, whatever he's got to do, done. And he somehow manages to get his butt in front of the TV. At 7:30 he watches Rugrats, and if he's lucky he stays up to watch SpongeBob Squarepants. He's got the remote, his chopped-up apples and he's ready. He's a real routine guy. I'm often staggered by that because I'm not at all. Neither is Dennis.
Davidson: Do you and Jack eat dinner together?
Ryan: Last night we had chicken fingers, macaroni and cheese and broccoli.
Davidson: Do you read to him?
Ryan: Yeah, we read. He's reading to me now, which is great.
Davidson: I understand you're a heavy reader. What are you reading right now that you like?
Ryan: I'm reading all these boxing books -- On the Ropes and Ali, Norman Mailer and Joyce Carol Oates on boxing. But generally I really like this author Philip Roth. I just started reading When She Was Good. I just read The Human Stain and loved that and had to read more.
Davidson: How do you feel about turning 40?
Ryan: I have really mixed feelings. Like I said, I really like the way my life is. I think if it wasn't in the kind of shape it's in now it might be a traumatizing birthday. But you become very aware of Hollywood's limits for you.
Right in the Right Now
Davidson: Ageism is a real thing.Ryan: Yeah, it's a real thing, but I also feel like it's kind of shifting. And I haven't made a living as a sex symbol, I haven't made a living as a dope, I haven't made a living in any of the traditional ways that women make a living. I've made a living as a neurotic. And I'm hopefully gonna continue to just be an anomaly.
Davidson: There are a lot more female executives in studios now. Is that making any difference?
Ryan: I wish it did make a difference, but the development, production and distribution of movies is totally just crunched by men and their fantasy. It's very rare when you get an integrated, complex female character even developed into a movie, let alone shot and marketed well. That's the overriding Hollywood studio structure. There is, thankfully, the independent world, which champions those things more.
Davidson: After September 11, you participated in some of the big televised charity events.
Ryan: It seems like celebrity is such a dopey thing to have attached to you, but if it makes any difference to anybody that you're going to be answering the phone, of course I would be there to talk to all these people who are pledging $20, $50 from all over the country.
Davidson: You've been a spiritual seeker for some time. Have you always been interested in life's big questions?
Ryan: I was raised a Catholic, and it didn't work for me. And it's because it didn't work for me that I became a seeker. I love the word seeker because it's what it says -- that I have no answers; I'm always in the questioning mode. I read Siddhartha when I was fifteen, and I think that changed everything for me. And I have made it a point in the last ten or fifteen years to meet as many enlightened people as I could, and I've had a few experiences and meditations that have been undeniable.
Davidson: So at this point do you have a daily spiritual practice? How does that nourish or sustain you?
Ryan: I don't get to meditate every single day. I'm not that disciplined. I do yoga more than I meditate. But even that, it just gets you in this place of being a witness. You're able to watch with a little less attachment to everything, and it makes the day easier. It takes you out of the place of judgment all the time.
Davidson: A lot of people's faith has been tested in the last few months. How do you believe in a God who creates terrorists?
Ryan: When I went to Ground Zero, as devastating as it was to see that kind of destruction and overwhelming loss, I found my overwhelming experience was that I felt all the good intentions and prayers and light that people are sending there. And I thought to myself, good has already won because there's community, there's a sense of connection that's come out of it, there's a sense of re-evaluation. I've never been a patriot. I'm a Watergate baby. I've always questioned. But you think about all the freedoms that we have in our lives and what it means to be an American. I never really understood the true value of that before. That's a beautiful thing to have come out of this.
Davidson: How do you feel about the future, about raising your son in a world that's so different from the world we grew up in?
Ryan: I think we have a choice right now to engage in fear and constriction or live an expansive life. We're all being personally asked where are we on that spectrum. I don't want to live a contracted life. I want to live an aware and conscious life, which means dealing with whatever those very serious threats are but not being run over by them, not being bulldozed by them.
Davidson: So you haven't shifted your life or contracted it in any way?
Ryan: For a minute I did. And then I went to New York and I felt, like, 60 percent cured.
Davidson: If you could design a perfect day right now for yourself, what would it look like? Let's say it's your birthday, you have an absolutely free day, no commitments. What would you do?
Ryan: Well, there are a couple great hikes in L.A. And just hang out with Jack. We're into this thing where we challenge each other with the jump-roping thing. And I really like to have dinner parties at my house. I think I'd throw a big ol' dinner party at my house.
Davidson: Is there one thing in your life that you haven't done yet that you'd like to do?
Ryan: I've only been to Hong Kong, but that whetted my appetite for China. I'd like to have more kids. I would like to see the Pyramids. And I'd like to go to the Himalayas.
Davidson: You want more children?
Ryan: Oh, yeah. I'd love to have a daughter. I'd like to have another boy, too, but I'm glad I had a boy first. I think I'm a much more intact woman now than I was nine years ago when I gave birth to Jack. I think I'd be a better mom to a girl now than I would have been then.
Davidson: So are these the best times for you?
Ryan: Oh, right now it's really good. It wasn't really good for about a year there. It was really traumatic and dramatic and awful. But it's good now. I don't feel as crumpled up as I did.