Infidelity Fears

Follow these tips to improve communication among your family members.

Dealing with Others

Questions about pets, parents, partners or office politics? E-mail Jeanne Marie Laskas at advice@rd.com Sending gives us permission to edit and publish.

Question
I planned a tag sale to raise a little money before moving, but offered a friend her choice of items for free beforehand. Well, she accepted all right -- and brought along a pal I didn't know. Before I could say anything, they walked off with half my salable goods. I'm so angry, I can't talk to my friend. Should I lay it on her now?
-- Angry

Dear Angry,
Hold your horses! You should have spoken as soon as the freeloaders started packing up your stuff. Now it's too late. You can drive yourself crazy rehashing what you should have said or done, but that sort of thinking only prolongs the pain. You've learned a lesson about unexpected behavior (and greed). Let the knickknacks go, and don't let this sour your charitable spirit.

Question
A boy and I are planning a cross-country car trip. We're 18. My mother adamantly disapproves. She never says why, but she means sex. We're just friends. Really! I'm legal age. I'm paying for the trip. But she's making me feel guilty. How can I get her to grow up?
-- Big Plans

Dear Big Plans,
No sexual overtones on a long road trip with an 18-year-old boy? Are you kidding me, or yourself? You may be legally able to make your own decisions (and your mom knows that), but make sure you know your own mind. Don't let an On the Road episode create a permanent detour with your mother.

Question
I work at a supermarket, and another girl and I share tasks we must finish before leaving. But she takes half an hour to do something I can do in ten minutes. She always has a story to tell me, and stops working when she does. My boss is ticked at both of us, but it's not my fault. I don't want to rat her out, but what else can I do?
-- Flustered

Dear Flustered
Let me propose a better way. Make a log of all the tasks you and Ms. Windbag share, then suggest to your boss that for efficiency your duties could be divided into two separate checklists. If he's reluctant, go to plan B: The next time this girl starts telling you a story, stop working to listen and call your boss over to hear what a great storyteller she is. I'm sure he'll take it from there.

Family Communication

Question
Are men incapable of listening? My boyfriend has only one ear open -- not just with me. He listens to half of what his parents and friends say and assumes the rest. He gets things wrong all the time, and it drives me crazy! How can I make him see how incredibly rude and inconsiderate this is?
-- Audibly Acute

Dear Acute,
First, start listening to yourself about your own needs. If being with a good listener is important to you, why are you still with this man? As for Mr. Earmuff, try finding some new ways to engage his curiosity. Start with this one: "Would you like to hear what I really think about you?"

Question
I'm 16 and have been raised by a single mother. I get worried every time she brings home a new male "friend." The latest one is an alcoholic, just like the last three. When I try to point out the pattern, my mom says, "So my happiness has to take a backseat to your selfishness?" How can I get her to face reality?
-- Open Eyes

Dear Eyes,
Good for you for getting worried. Above all, pay attention to those alarm bells and make sure you stay safe; don't find yourself alone with your mom's unsavory friends. How can you get her to face reality? You can't. You're 16. She's supposed to be raising you, not the other way around. This situation is screaming out for the influence of a responsible grownup. Talk to an aunt or another trusted adult and explain all. Do not go this one alone.

Question of the Month
A friend broke off her engagement , and it seems to me she is paying a lot of attention to my husband. Perhaps it's unintentional or she means nothing by it, but she finds little ways to touch his shirt or sit closer to him than me, and she recently invited him, not me, over to fix her computer, I trust my husband, but I have a bad feeling. What should I do?
-- Wary Wife

Dear Wary,
Trust him, but trust your instincts too -- and she your intuition with your husband. Ask him if he's beginning to feel ensnared by your friend's neediness. Put him on alert, and stay there yourself. Remind him that you are a team. And definitely go along as a fire wall on the computer job.