What Is Wrong With My Daughter?

Learn how to improve the relationship between you and your daughter.

New Recruits, Nosy Neighbors and Helpless Men

Questions about pets, parents, partners or office politics? E-mail Jeanne Marie Laskas at advice@rd.com Sending gives us permission to edit and publish.

Question
I trained a new hire, and at first he was very appreciative. He's hard-working and finishes assignments on time, but he's become very secretive and protective. We're at the same level and share some tasks, but when I ask him questions, he stalls. And if I send e-mails, he never answers them. I don't want to bitch to the boss, so how can I get this guy to open up?
-- Office Pal

Dear Pal,
This guy is not your friend; he's your rival. Talk, don't gripe, to your mutual boss about smoothing the workflow. But remember: Some people are more interested in getting ahead than getting along. You can't change this guy. Do unto him as you would have him do unto you, but watch your back -- and go out for a beer with your real friends.

Question
I live in a duplex. The lady upstairs is a school band director, and bangs the piano and blows a horn until midnight. Complain to the landlord? Tried that. He's her brother. What can I do to make my voice heard through the din?
-- Earache

Dear Earache,
I can't imagine an apartment so magnificent, convenient and inexpensive to justify such a noisy neighbor. A call to the cops might quiet her down. Remind Big Bro landlord there are laws governing tenants' rights. Otherwise, tell him, "Thank your sister -- I'm outta here."

Question
I'm dating a woman with two sons in their 20s who live with her. They're good guys but neither helps around the house or contributes financially. She's a schoolteacher and does the shopping, cleaning and her class prep until 10 p.m. She's working herself to death. I've told her it's them or me. How can I get her to act?
-- Fair Share

Dear Share
The last thing this woman needs is another male making demands. If you really care about her and want to have a future with her, get in there and lend a hand -- make dinner, vacuum the rug, wash the windows. Show her and her boys what a real man can do and be.

Break Needed, Pushy Parents and a Daughter in Distress

Question
Like many working couples, my husband and I rarely go on vacation. When we do, he likes to visit family or old buddies so he can kick back and watch bowl games. But what kind of break is it for me if I have to play the perfect houseguest and be tied to someone else's lifestyle and schedule? What's your opinion?
-- Gimme a Break

Dear Break,
First, I'm prescribing an immediate girls' night out. You need to remember what fun feels like, sister. Breaks are not given so much as gotten. Go get one. Have some innocent fun, and when you get a big enough dose, bring your rejuvenated self to your hubby. Tell him how you define fun. Sit down with him and prepare your next vacation, making a "have fun" to-do list that is equal parts his and hers.

Question
My parents are competitive and put pressure on me and my brother. All their friends have kids going to elite colleges, so they're pushing us to achieve the same. I love my parents, but sometimes they expect too much. I've tried talking to them, but they say I'm goofing off. Any advice?
-- Trophy Daughter

Dear Trophy,
If your parents are competitive, challenge them to a debate. Set up a stage in your home, and lay down some ground rules. Everybody gets three minutes of uninterrupted talking to make his or her case. Each person is allowed two minutes for rebuttal. The topic: Are Mom and Dad pushing us too hard, or are we a couple of slackers? In the debate, score the point that it's not the undergraduate school that counts -- it's a degree from the best graduate school that does. (Not a bad goal to keep in mind.) Mom and Dad will see you in a new light.

Question of the Month
My kids and I have had a hard two years. My wife left and my father died. Now I'm about to marry a wonderful woman, but I've begun to notice changes in my 15- year-old daughter. First, she began to have panic attacks. And lately, it seems she eats barely anything. Her hands and feet are as cold as ice. And she's started to wear her 13-year-old sister's clothes. What's wrong?
-- Worried Sick

Dear Worried,
Good for you for so astutely noticing the warning signs of an eating disorder. You need to get your daughter to her pediatrician at once for a full physical. Tell the doc of your suspicions. You could be saving your daughter's life.