Last night I found out that Lonesome George died—the 100-year-old Galapagos turtle, who was the last of his subspecies—and was sad at his passing. Tonight, I’m going to celebrate his life by watching this great PBS Nature video, which features George and other amazing tortoise stories, and raising a glass in his memory.
If you don’t have access to the terrific Nature series as I do, you can watch the YouTube coverage below, although sensitive souls should probably stick to footage of him alive and at his finest, munching on lettuce and enjoying his island paradise.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.