It’s happened to us all: We’re engrossed in a movie at the theater and suddenly that paint can-sized cup of soda starts to kick in. Excuse yourself and you may miss the best part of the movie. Stay seated and you’ll suffer the uncomfortable consequences.
That’s where “Run Pee” comes in. The appropriately named website and free app duo features a list of new movies with times and cue lines during which you can get yourself to the nearest bathroom. Install the app on your phone, select the movie you’re watching, start the timer after the credits roll and your phone will vibrate to let you know when you can be excused. It’ll even give you a summary of the minutes missed making your bladder happy. Genius.
Planning on seeing The Perks of Being a Wallflower?About 46 minutes into the flick, Sam will sit with Charlie in her bedroom and say she loves him. After that line, you have four minutes to relieve yourself. How about Paranormal Activity 4? Sneak out once you see Robbie and Wyatt go into the house across the street. (Although, based on the first three Paranormal Activity flicks, something tells me you may pee your pants long before then—they’re freaky!)
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.