Behold, the World’s Worst Souvenirs

Surgically enhanced Pink Flamingos from Miami Beach. What every lawn needs!

What is it about traveling that causes people, even those with good taste, to submit to their tacky side and buy the ugliest, oddest trinkets from some unabashed tourist trap, like a shot glass made from a cow’s hoof found in Colombia?

Colombia’s not the only guilty party. Traveling through Italy? Be sure to pick up a key chain with a small bust of the Pope dangling from it. On a road trip through Florida? Don’t forget the alligator-claw business card holder. In Berlin? Be sure to buy a box of the Brandenburg Gate-shaped pasta.

Who would buy these, you ask? Me, for one. And, obviously, a host of others, because all of the above can be found in the new book Crap Souvenirs: The Ultimate Kitsch Collection (Perigee) by Doug Lansky. This fun collection of global kitsch run amok will leave you thinking, “I, too, need a stuffed rabbit smoking a hookah from Libya!”

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Some people like to travel by train because 
it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of 
an airplane.

Dennis Miller

I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”

Kevin Nealon

“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” 
—Everyone following you on Instagram


A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

Comedian Greg Davies

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Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.


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Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.


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My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me 
everything you know.”


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“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” 

@yoyoha (Josh Hara)

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My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.

—Jerry Seinfeld

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Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?

A: A mechanic.