For a dose of delight in the closing days of summer, I recommend Barynard Confidential: An A to Z Reader of Life Lessons, Tall Tales, and Country Wisdom. This charming, illustrated guide to the rural life is an anthology of short articles and excerpts of books by writers like E.B. White, Michael Perry, Roger Welsch, Gwen Petersen, and more. Some piece are moooo-ving (sorry!) and evocative; others are good for a laugh. Here’s a sample:
Meadow: Like a pasture, but classier. Pastures are used to graze animals, but meadows are used for lovers in movies to run across in slow motion, accompanied by romantic music, into each other’s arms. Never try that in a pasture, not if you know what a cow pie is. (Terry Chamberlain, The ABC’s of Farming, 1999)
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.