I hate to admit it but, yes, there was a time when I had a collection of fluffy pens and said “as if” at every possible chance I got. I also attempted to give friends makeovers and, when they resisted, helped them out pro bono while secretly referring to them as my “projects” in my personal journal. I digress.
So I couldn’t help but smile when a coworker sent me this BuzzFeed piece about 17 ways “Clueless” Would Be Different If It Came Out Now. Amongst the 2012 upgrades are classroom debates about Sudan rather than Haiti, workout routines that consist of spin classes instead of at-home aerobics videos, and a complete and utter ban on scrunchies. Buzzfeed also claims that the bubblegum-popping Cher would own a bejeweled iPhone case instead of those epic fluffy pens. As if.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.