Blogger Patti Greco takes Grey author EL James to task for using artificially elevated language and fancy synonyms (something I also couldn’t help noticing while reading all three books) and suggests “corrections” using a thesaurus and a little common sense. Here are a few of my favorites:
The offense: “I haven’t made any plans, Mr. Grey. I just need to get through my final exams. Which I should be studying for right now, rather than sitting in your palatial, swanky, sterile office, feeling uncomfortable under your penetrating gaze.”
The fix: Cut palatial…it means the same thing as swanky.
The offense: “I wanted to run my fingers through his decadent, untidy hair, but I’d been unable to move my hands.”
The fix: Cut. This makes no sense.
The offense: ” ‘Anastasia, you were comatose. Necrophilia is not my thing. I like my women sentient and receptive,’ he says dryly.”
The fix: ” ‘Anastasia, you were comatose. Necrophilia is not my thing. I like my women awake and able to feel what I’m doing,’ he says dryly.”
The offense: “My subconscious nods sagely, a you’ve-finally-worked-it-out-stupid look on her face.”
The fix: Stop personifying your subconscious.
Click here for the full list.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.