• Missouri mommy resurrected after giving birth “postmortem”: Erica Nigrelli, an English teacher, was 36 weeks pregnant when a heart problem essentially killed her: She collapsed at work, foaming at the mouth, and lost her heartbeat. Fast-acting coworkers did their best to revive her before paramedics arrived and brought her to a hospital. According to Click 2 Houston, Erica’s baby was then delivered via C-section while her heart was stopped. Thankfully, doctors were able to bring her back to life—putting a new spin on the phrase “miracle of childbirth.”
• Tourists dine on iceberg, are rescued when it floats away: Only in Iceland, folks. Four visitors from the U.S. decided to have an intimate dinner on a massive chunk of desolate ice and soon found themselves in need of rescue after a gust of wind blew it away. One of the tourists managed to jump ashore and call for help before they became narwhal bait.
• New Jersey swan falls in love with helicopter: A swan named Whooper has apparently been trying to mate with helicopters at Jersey Airport following the tragic death of its avian partner. Officials clipped its wings to prevent disaster and remind us all that love hurts.
• Officials say Justin Bieber owes thousands after abandoning pet monkey in Germany: Following up on a previous Weird News Round-Up, we’ve learned now that Bieber will have to pay thousands upon thousands of euros to an animal shelter that was forced to care for his capuchin monkey after it was quarantined in Germany. The shelter manager “said emails from Bieber’s management… indicated the singer does not want the monkey anymore.” Jeez. Biebs, can’t even call?
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.