You Be the Judge: A Grandmothers Rights | Reader's Digest

You Be the Judge: A Grandmother’s Rights

A woman argues that she had a right to see her grandson, but her daughter claims she tried to “take over” during visits. You be the judge.

By Robin Gerber
Also published in Reader's Digest Magazine October 2007

grandmother holding grandchild's handiStock/Thinkstock

All Cindy Flynn wanted was to spend time with her grandson. But the baby’s mother, Alice Henkel, saw things differently.

The focus of their battle was Alice’s young son, Elias, born in May 2003. Alice wasn’t married to Elias’s father, Cindy’s son Cory, who was serving time in an Illinois state prison for the second time on a drug-related charge. Alice and her newborn had moved into her mother’s home.

Before her grandson’s birth, Cindy had sent items for the baby to Alice and tried to contact her, but Alice never responded. When Cindy heard about Elias’s birth, she sent Alice a card. A month went by before Cindy got a call from Alice’s mom, inviting her over to see the baby. After that, Cindy and her husband, Mike, began visiting Elias once a week.

Alice wasn’t happy about the arrangement. She claimed to find Cindy very intimidating and said she ignored her wishes. It bothered Alice, for instance, that Cindy once referred to herself as Nana, a name she used with her goddaughter. Alice requested that she be called Grandma Cindy, and she felt disrespected when her wishes were ignored.

In June, Cindy and Mike joined the Henkel family at the baby’s Catholic baptism. But the situation deteriorated that summer, when Cory, who had been released from prison, filed a petition in family court for visiting privileges with his son. Alice felt Cory wasn’t the kind of person Elias could respect when he got older and wanted him out of the baby’s life entirely.

Upset by Cory’s court filing, she decided to call Cindy and tell her she couldn’t visit Elias anymore. When the child was barely seven months old, Alice got a court order requiring supervision anytime Cory saw his son. Cindy asked the court if she could be the supervisor for the visits, but the court refused. After that, Cindy could see Elias only when Cory was present.

Initially, visits were at Sinnissippi, a nearby behavioral health-care facility. A staff person had to be present in the four-by-four-foot room, the space allocated for the visits. Cory resented having to see his son there, and when the venue was switched to Alice’s mother’s house, Cindy stopped accompanying him. She didn’t want to deal with the growing tension between her and Alice.

It wasn’t until January 2006, when Elias was two and a half, that Cindy got permission for four visits with her grandson over a two-month period. Cindy then asked to have an hour each month with Elias but she was refused.

Finally, the two women found themselves before a judge in the county circuit court. Cindy argued that she had a right to see her grandson and that Elias would benefit from the visits. “I just want to be part of Elias’s life,” Cindy told the circuit court. “He deserves it.”

Alice disagreed. She said she didn’t see why it was important for Cindy to be involved in Elias’s life. She pointed out that Cindy had chosen not to attend all the allowed supervised visits with her son.

Alice also had a problem with Cindy’s nondenominational Christian beliefs, ever since Cindy, in her words, “changed her life and started serving the Lord.”

Alice added that Cindy tried to “take over” during visits and that Cindy had undermined her as a parent by questioning her decision to have tubes placed in Elias’s ears because of chronic ear infections.

Finally, Alice said she didn’t see how keeping Cindy from seeing Elias would be harmful to the child.

Should Cindy have the right to see her grandson? You be the judge.

Next: The Verdict »

  • Your Comments

    • Dylan

      No one should ever not know someone who loves and acres about them. Especially family.

    • Sarah

      Honestly, a grandmother’s rights never surpass a mother’s rights. That grandmother is also a mother and apparently did a very bad job as one – her son is in jail for the second time. How can she question the mother’s upbringing of her grandson? I’ve seen many grans question their grandchildren’s moms and that is never good for the child. It only brings confusion and resent. She had her chance to be a mom and failed. Now, let the mother of the child be a mother and stop trying to disrupt.

    • jhg6

      The grandmother should absolutely be allowed to see her grandchild regularly.

    • Ted

      There can never be too many loving people in a child’s life and grandmother’s are the very best kind