Ask Laskas

In a recent column one of your readers wrote in to tell you that she was troubled by a friend who “swears like a truck driver.” Please help us stop this stereotype and don’t related a profession to the use of profanity. It’s just wrong and swearing has nothing to do with driving a truck.

Ellen Voie
President/CEO
Women In Trucking, Inc.

I was just reading your June july R D and saw were you told a wife to shout stop like to a dog to her husband then tell him let me walk through the door first if my wife did this to me she would open her own door from now until she said she was sorry and yes we are happy and been married for 30 years I do that with my wife sometimes as I don’t know what are who is on the other side of the door a
Or if it’s raining to get out of the weather also but give her plenty of room to walk by me

Hello. I was just reading the March 2010 issue(I somehow missed it!) and am concerned about your advice to “Worried”, regarding her promotion over her husband.  You encouraged them to make sure one or the other sought other employment.  In my years in the workplace, (over 30) I’ve usually found that someone promoted over someone else with more time on the job was usually merited.  The husband needs to look at his contribution to the company and see where he could improve, he needs to support his wife and stand behind her and simply man up.  Also, if he is ranting about the unfairness of her promotion, he’s probably ranting about lots of other things he thinks are unfair.  As I’m sure you’ll agree, this kind of noise from our fellow man is just about the most useless.  

I read your column regularly, and usually agree with and applaud your observations, and when I don’t agree with you, I can usually see your point.  On this one though, I think you may have missed the mark.  This is one husband that I don’t think spends much time thinking about how he could be a better person.  And one wife who may want to think about what the real problem is with her huband.

Sincerely,
Bill Walsh 

Dear Henry,

The other day when my wife and I were about to enter our home, she shouted, “Stop!” at me and then said, “Now stand there until I walk through!” like she was talking to a dog. I was flabbergasted. What should I do next time this happens?

Confused

Dear Confused,

The next time your wife does this, give her a good backhand across the face, shout, “No! Bad wife!” at her, and proceed inside, locking the door behind you. Continue doing this until she quits. She just needs a bit of wife training.

Does the above offend you? Good. Because your advice to Lady and the Tramp was equally offensive. Who in the world told you it would be a good idea for you to write an advice column? Bad girl!

My daughter and son in law both work full time in order to make ends meet.  What was supposed to be a short term commitment on my part has become my daughter expecting me to fall into line with her schedule.   What bothers me about watching the children is that if they are being disciplined in their home for a bad behaviour, she wants me to carry it over to my home when they are here.  I have a problem with this.  I may be wrong but my view is that if I am watching them in my home then my home should be a neutral place for them. Not allowing them to watch TV at home is their disciplining their children but when they come here it just makes my job more difficult when they are not allowed to do those things here.   If they are naughty here then that is different but if they were bad at home than the parents should be the ones to carry out the discipline and not the grandparents.  I am having a hard time getting my daughter to understand that our home should be a safe haven for the grandkids and that I should not be required to carry out her discipline. I want to cooperate but would like input either way in this situation. 

I want my life back!

In the August issue you answered a question about wet/used bath towels incorrectly. Wet towels or any wet item should be hung if you are not going to wash them within hours. During the summer especially, putting your damp towels, wash cloths, or wet anything in your hamper is inviting at the least a musty smell on all the clothing in the hamper. One should never mix wet and dry  in the same hamper as it could cause mildew if left for even a day when the weather is very warm and humid. Also, it’s a good idea to leave your washing machine’s door open or it too will start to smell. A small thing maybe, but it can cause a lot of extra work for the person doing laundry–and that musty smell is diffficult to get out. Mildew spots often will not come out at all, so you have just ruined your towels and clothing.   
 Diane C.

Dear Ask Laskas – I am reading my October issue and noticed the question about the Grandmother shower.  I am so grateful my friends did not read your answer a year ago, when they showered me as a first time expectant Grandma.  It was a fun evening – filled with Grandma advice and little gifts that they told me were indispensible.  Some were new and some were used, but mostly, I just felt loved as they shared my excitement.  I have since showered several first-time Grandmas and each time, the friendship and fun is worth any small monitary expense.  Can’t wait for more Grands

What’s a man to do?
Ms. Laskas;
You gave some really shabby advice to “Lady and the Tramp” in the June/July 2011 issue of Readers Digest. 
Does the delicate lady in question have a broken arm?  What would she do if she were to meet with a closed door when her husband is not with her? 
Does she really not believe that in modern day America that she is the equal of her husband?  Does she not realize that opening the door for a woman is an archaic throwback to when women were considered “the weaker sex”?  In this day of women’s lib and women’s equality, it is not unusual for N.O.W. women to berate a man who holds a door for them with the statement, “What’s the matter, don’t you think I can do that for myself?”   Besides that, I have numerous times held a door for women who don’t even say “Thank you”.   Incidentally, I have never had one of those big burly “tramps” fail to thank me for holding the door for him after I’d gone through myself. 
Did the “Lady” ever stop to consider that off-times doors are heavy or awkward to open and the easiest thing for “the tramp” to do is to open it, step through and hold it for her?  What’s the matter; is her little girl pride hurt if she can’t “be first”? 
Consider too your advice to shout a command to “stop!” – like she was talking to her dog.  Is that what YOU think of men – that we’re dogs?  If I ever heard a woman demean her husband like that, I’d have to loudly say, “What a b—-”.   Would she not be demeaning herself along with her husband?  One would have to also ask if she would like to be treated that way when she fails to meet with “the tramp’s” expectations. 
What shabby advice; you were way off base with that one. 

Recently you answered a question regarding co-workers planning a shower for a grandmother to be.  Your opinion was that the grandmother did not need baby items but maybe the group could get something for the mother to be.  As the grandmother of 3, I can tell you that gifts for the grandparents are definitely needed and appreciated.  A pack and play for Grandma’s house gives the little one a placed to rest so parents can come for a visit or dinner or a night out.  A small portable swing for baby is a great gift.  It is nice for the parents to be able to visit someone without dragging along all the baby things. 

My parents are married for last 15 years. Since the last year I think that my father is cheating on my mother. He talks to this lady in way that he talks to my mother. I am very sure that there is an other lady in my Dads life. Shall i talk to my Dad or shall i tell to my mom? Please tell me what to do                                                                                                                                                                                               Totally Confused 

This is reference to tipping salon owners. As a third generation salon owner/ stylist for twenty seven years, I am not offended by offers of tips.
It is my understanding that the custom of not tipping the owner originated in the 70′s when “Fabio” charged $100 for a haircut. 
That is not the case in most circumstances these days. Many of us try to keep our prices competitive to allow for tipping. Tipping is income, it helps us . 

I’m getting married for a second and last time in March. My Mom has told me several family friends have asked about what to give as a gift. My future wife and I are in our 40′s and have been married before, our youngest children are in high school. We have no need for any appliances or things such as that, we didn’t register anywhere because of this reason. I was wondering is it rude to ask for money towards honeymoon? It would be very helpful and appreciated. However, I don’t know if it’s appropriate.

I can’t come out to my mom what should I do?
Freaked out teen

I can’t come out to my mom what should I do?
Freaked out teen

Dear Ask Laskas, I was very upset with your article on Modern Manners when ask is you should tip your salon or nail owner and you said,”no.” Do you realize that as an owner of a small business I have more expenses then my employees. I live on only my tips. This is how I get paid. What I make for my business as hair salon owner is very expensive. I have payroll Lease, Franchise Fee, Utilities, Supplies, Advertisement, Taxes and etc. Being a small business owner is very expensive. So please do not speak for all salon or nail owners who are struggling like everyone else in this economy. I  haven’t raise my prices for two years and before that for  4 years to help my customers who are also stuggling in this economy. So remember we do appreciate our customers that why were owners and are trying to get by like ever small business is now. Thanks to my customers for their Tips. Remember when you print a article about owner’s of a business ask for their option first you may be suprise by their answers. Thier probably like me.                                 Thank You, From A Struggling Hair Salon Owner in Ohio

I’m shocked by the blatant bigotry showed by Laskas in her July column where she told a reader to scold her husband “like a dog”. I think an apology is in order.

This sort of sexism would not have been printed if the rolls were reversed. The question was about an old-fashioned men’s role — holding a door for a woman — and Laskis instructed the woman to shout “Stop!” with a “tone you’d use on a dog”.

Think of how outraged you would feel if a man wrote that a husband should scold his wife like a dog for not doing something old-fashioned for the husband like, say, cooking dinner.

Laskas owes everyone an apology.