13 Things Baristas Won’t Tell You

View as Slideshow

 

1. If you're not at Starbucks, don’t order like you are.

1. If you're not at Starbucks, don’t order like you are.iStock/PeopleImages
If you want a Venti Caramel Frappuccino, you’re in the wrong place. Order from our menu.

2. A bigger cup doesn’t mean more coffee

2. A bigger cup doesn’t mean more coffeeiStock/loveischiangrai
Starbucks’ Venti (20 oz) and Grande (16 oz) each contain two shots of espresso. The Venti just has more milk. So if it’s caffeine you’re after, size doesn’t matter.

3. There is an art to pulling a perfect shot of espresso.

3. There is an art to pulling a perfect shot of espresso.iStock/TARIK KIZILKAYA
The ideal shot takes 18 to 22 seconds to pull. I have to make sure that the espresso grounds are packed to just the right firmness, that the right amount of water filters through, and control the temperature. If a shot isn’t perfect, I won’t serve it.

Content continues below ad

4. Just because they’re vegan doesn’t mean our cakes are good for you.

4. Just because they’re vegan doesn’t mean our cakes are good for you.iStock/TommL
They are LOADED with white sugar.

5. Yes, I went to school for this.

5. Yes, I went to school for this.iStock/Lisa Gagne
Starbucks sends employees to barista school for two weeks, where they study the history of coffee, the entire coffee menu, and how to turn milk into velvety foam.

6. Latte art isn't merely decorative

6. Latte art isn't merely decorativeiStock/nuiiko
If a heart or a pinwheel design holds in the milk it means that the consistency of the foam is good and the shot was pulled well. If you’re at a place that does foam artwork, and you don’t get a good picture, that means your drink is not well made.

Content continues below ad

7. Please believe me.

7. Please believe me.iStock/TSchon
If you asked for decaf, I gave you decaf. You don’t need to ask me repeatedly. I am not out to get you.

8. Sometimes the owners of independent coffee/espresso carts buy cheap coffee and sell it as a respected brand.

8. Sometimes the owners of independent coffee/espresso carts buy cheap coffee and sell it as a respected brand. iStock/MarianVejcik
Not that any of our customers noticed.

9. Drinking two quad-shot, 22oz, vanilla lattes every day is bad for you.

9. Drinking two quad-shot, 22oz, vanilla lattes every day is bad for you.iStock/RobinVanStraaten
Very, very bad for you.

Content continues below ad

10. Tip

10. TipiStock/Catherine Lane
I know your coffee is already overpriced, but a dollar bill in a tip jar earns you infinite goodwill. I’ll carry that happy feeling over to my interaction with my next customer. Karma works, and it only costs you a buck.

11. You are the reason for the wait.

11. You are the reason for the wait.iStock/monkeybusinessimages
When there’s a line to the door, I hate it when customers spend the whole time talking on the phone and only think about what they want when they get to the register. They are the reason the line takes forever.

12. A real macchiato has just a stain of milk foam and no sugar.

12. A real macchiato has just a stain of milk foam and no sugar.iStock/teksomolika
Because Starbucks uses the names of authentic espresso beverages for sugary, milky confections that bear no resemblance to the real thing, they confuse people. I’ll make someone an authentic drink and they’ll say, where’s the milk? Where’s the syrup?

Content continues below ad

13. Be nice.

13. Be nice.iStock/PeopleImages
No matter how tired you are, it’s nice to say PLEASE when you’re ordering your first coffee of the day. “I’ll take a…” or “Give me a…” is NOT “please” in anyone’s language. Sources: Baristas from Starbucks and independent cafes and coffee carts in Seattle, New York, Pennsylvania, and London, England.

Become more interesting every week!

Get our Read Up newsletter

how we use your e-mail
We will use your email address to send you the newsletter each week, and we may also send you occasional special offers from Reader's Digest. For more information please read our privacy policy.

Funny Jokes

Some people like to travel by train because 
it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of 
an airplane.

Dennis Miller

Funny Jokes

I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”

Kevin Nealon

Funny Jokes

“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” 
—Everyone following you on Instagram

@kristencarney

Funny Jokes

A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

Comedian Greg Davies

Funny Jokes

Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.

@sixthformpoet

Funny Jokes

Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.

From clientsfromhell.net

Funny Jokes

My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me 
everything you know.”

@NicCageMatch

Funny Jokes

“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” 
—Alcohol

@yoyoha (Josh Hara)

Funny Jokes

My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.

—Jerry Seinfeld

Funny Jokes

Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?

A: A mechanic.

Fields marked with an * are required
Foods That Harm Foods That HealWant a Free eBook?
FOODS THAT HARM, FOODS THAT HEAL offers important information about the role diet plays in the struggle against heart disease, cancer, diabetes and other serious illnesses. Answer the question below to receive your FREE digital eBook.

Someone in my household experiences the following conditions:

Send me a link to download FOODS THAT HARM, FOODS THAT HEAL:
By clicking below, I agree to the Trusted Media Brands Privacy Policy