Classic Diner Talk We Dare You to Use

You too can speak waiter, using funny lingo for short-order dishes. We rounded up the ones that made us laugh the most.

View as Slideshow

If you're ordering at breakfast:

If you're ordering at breakfast:
Adam and Eve on a raft = Poached eggs on toast

Burn the British = English muffin toasted

Sinkers and suds = Doughnuts and coffee

Try asking for these at lunch:

Try asking for these at lunch:
First lady = Spare ribs (think: Adam and Eve)

Burn one, clean up the kitchen = Hamburger

Two cows, make 'em cry = Two burgers with onions

Radio = Tuna ("Tuner," get it?)

On the side?

On the side?
Sand = Sugar

Twins = Salt and pepper

Sea dust = Salt

Keep off the grass = Hold the lettuce

Paint it red = With ketchup

Warts = Olives

Content continues below ad

Have it your way:

Have it your way:
In the alley = Served on the side

High and dry = Served plain

On wheels = To go

Need a drink?

Need a drink?
Blonde and sweet = Coffee with milk and sugar

Squeeze one = Orange juice

Oooh, dessert:

Oooh, dessert:
Houseboat = Banana split

Fish eyes = Tapioca pudding

Nervous pudding = Jell-o

Eve with a lid on = Apple pie (more Garden of Eden references!)

Put a hat on it = Add ice cream

Let me get an Eve with a lid on, and put a hat on it = Apple pie à la mode

Content continues below ad

Last tips:

Last tips:
Bubble dancer = Dishwasher

Soup jockey = Waiter

Keep the laughs coming every week!

Get our hilarious Funny Reads newsletter

how we use your e-mail
We will use your email address to send you the newsletter each week, and we may also send you occasional special offers from Reader's Digest. For more information please read our privacy policy.

Funny Jokes

Some people like to travel by train because 
it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of 
an airplane.

Dennis Miller

Funny Jokes

I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”

Kevin Nealon

Funny Jokes

“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” 
—Everyone following you on Instagram


Funny Jokes

A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

Comedian Greg Davies

Funny Jokes

Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.


Funny Jokes

Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.


Funny Jokes

My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me 
everything you know.”


Funny Jokes

“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” 

@yoyoha (Josh Hara)

Funny Jokes

My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.

—Jerry Seinfeld

Funny Jokes

Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?

A: A mechanic.

Fields marked with an * are required
Foods That Harm Foods That HealWant a Free eBook?
FOODS THAT HARM, FOODS THAT HEAL offers important information about the role diet plays in the struggle against heart disease, cancer, diabetes and other serious illnesses. Answer the question below to receive your FREE digital eBook.

Someone in my household experiences the following conditions:

Send me a link to download FOODS THAT HARM, FOODS THAT HEAL:
By clicking below, I agree to the Trusted Media Brands Privacy Policy