6 Compelling Reasons Why Gary Busey Should Be the Next Pope

In focusing exclusively on established cardinals, Vatican judges have ignored the obvious frontrunner for the world's next Top Pope: prolific actor-turned-altruist Gary Busey.

Hear us out. According to the New York Times, Vatican talent scouts seek a pope with “charisma,” “grit,” and “magnetic charm”—and Gary Busey’s got the holy trinity in a way that pretty much locks down this whole papal race for us.

Non-believers, look no further than Twitter. Pope Benedict XVI became the first pontiff in history to transmit 140-character homilies to more than 1.2 million followers around the world. Busey preaches to a considerably smaller flock, but nonetheless utilizes his tweet feed to spread unfiltered messages of love, faith, and pancakes. Here’s why the guy has our vote.

1. He has perspective.

2. He is positive.

3. He is ambitious.

4. He is empathetic.

5. He is a master of religious rhetoric.

6. Above all else, He is penitent.

Follow future pontiff Gary Busey here.

Read Benedict XVI’s full twitter history here.

Keep the laughs coming every week!

Get our hilarious Funny Reads newsletter

how we use your e-mail

Some people like to travel by train because 
it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of 
an airplane.

Dennis Miller

I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”

Kevin Nealon

“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” 
—Everyone following you on Instagram


A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

Comedian Greg Davies

Funny Jokes

Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.


Funny Jokes

Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.

From clientsfromhell.net

Funny Jokes

My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me 
everything you know.”


Funny Jokes

“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” 

@yoyoha (Josh Hara)

Funny Jokes

My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.

—Jerry Seinfeld

Funny Jokes

Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?

A: A mechanic.