One of my favorite cartoons was of a guy at the supermarket staring at the next guy’s groceries and thinking, “I never buy that.” That’s exactly what I do every time I go to ShopRite. I stare at another shopper’s cart and think, “So you’re the person who buys pickled ‘Nilla wafers in a rutabaga sauce.”
And that’s also why I like Ruminations.com. It asks viewers to post simple reflections upon everyday life, and I often find myself nodding in agreement. No matter how arcane or picayune, it’s nice to know others think the same way I do. The site’s not always hysterical—though sometimes I find myself guffawing out loud (the sight of which is as unattractive as it sounds). But either way, it makes me glad to know that I’m not surfing this big world of ours alone.
Here are some “ruminations” we’ve run in the magazine:
“No matter how old I get, I’m pretty sure I will expect my parents to pay for me if we go out to eat.”
“Nothing sucks more than the moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.”
“My GPS says ‘Estimated Arrival Time.’ I see ‘Time to Beat.’”
“More often than not, when someone is telling me a story, all I can think about is how I can’t wait for them to finish so I can tell my own story, which not only is better but also more directly involves me.”
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.