Funny: These 7 Dumb Criminals Basically Arrested Themselves

"And I've got the right to remain silent!"

View as Slideshow

Can You Read Me Now?

Can You Read Me Now?iStock/Thinkstock
When police in Vancouver, Canada, asked to search Jason Pauchay’s apartment for drugs, he was not a suspect—in fact, they were looking for someone else. That all changed when they got a look at how his name was listed on his cell phone: “Jason Pauchay Drug Dealer.” Source: The Leader-Post (Regina, Canada)

Next Time, Steal a Milky Way

Next Time, Steal a Milky WayHemera/Thinkstock
When Stephan Crane broke into the Ravelli Republic (Montana) newsroom, he used the computers to watch porn and check Facebook. Then Crane doused the office with a fire extinguisher, took some candy, and left. It wasn’t difficult to find him, however; the police just followed the trail of stolen M&Ms that led to his sister’s place across the way. Source:

Watch Where You're Going!

Watch Where You're Going!iStock/Thinkstock
As two men waited on line at the coffee shop to pay their bill, a third cut in front of them. He threw a drink at the clerk, and demanded all the money from the till. Temporarily surprised, the men quickly recovered and handcuffed the crook. Apparently in his rush the criminal didn't notice they were police officers—in full uniform. Source:

Hampered by Stupidity

Hampered by Stupiditymoodboard/Thinkstock
In Mesa, Arizona, a home break-in was foiled when the burglar jumped through the bedroom window—and got trapped in a clothes hamper. Cops took it from there. (That definitely wasn't the kind of clean getaway he had planned.) Source:

Content continues below ad

The Couple That Drinks Together ...

The Couple That Drinks Together ...iStock/Thinkstock
Recently, a woman in Fresno, California, was stopped at a DUI checkpoint for being soused. Ever helpful, she offered up this info: “My husband’s right behind me, and he’s even drunker than I am.” Source: The Fresno Bee (California)


To: idiot@jail.comiStock/Thinkstock
A German bank robber sent mocking emails to local police, ridiculing their efforts to arrest him. First he let them know they had his age, build, and accent wrong. Then he corrected their announcement that he’d escaped on foot; no, he had a getaway car! The cops got the last word in, though, when they arrested the guy a few hours later. They used his email to trace him. Source: Reuters

She Went Thatta Way, Then Thatta Way, Then Thatta Way, Then ...

She Went Thatta Way, Then Thatta Way, Then Thatta Way, Then ...Hemera/Thinkstock
A woman in Somerset, Massachusetts, was arrested for breaking and entering. But she was quickly caught thanks to her ankle bracelet … the one fitted with a GPS system … that she had gotten from the police … for being on probation from an earlier breaking-and-entering case. Source:

Keep the laughs coming every week!

Get our hilarious Funny Reads newsletter

how we use your e-mail

Some people like to travel by train because 
it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of 
an airplane.

Dennis Miller

I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”

Kevin Nealon

“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” 
—Everyone following you on Instagram


A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

Comedian Greg Davies

Funny Jokes

Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.


Funny Jokes

Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.


Funny Jokes

My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me 
everything you know.”


Funny Jokes

“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” 

@yoyoha (Josh Hara)

Funny Jokes

My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.

—Jerry Seinfeld

Funny Jokes

Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?

A: A mechanic.