Nick Dauphin for Reader's Digest
A former art lecturer at MIT was sentenced to a year in jail for robbing a bank. Although he admitted to committing the crime, he insisted he should not serve time.
His excuse: It was done as part of a performance art piece. Source: masslive.com
After a Breathalyzer test showed her blood alcohol level was more than four times the legal limit, a New York State woman was arrested. But, she said, there was an explanation.
Her excuse: She suffered from auto-brewery syndrome, which meant her body created alcohol. Source: CNN
Another disputed DUI occurred in Wisconsin. The 75-year-old driver told officers he hadn’t touched a drop.
His excuse: His blood alcohol level was high because of his dinner—beer-battered fish. Source: WISC-TV
On February 7, at 4:30 p.m., a driver was pulled over for topping 100 mph. The man, however, asked the police officer to be quick, as he was in a hurry.
His excuse: He had tickets for the Super Bowl in Santa Clara, California, and kickoff was at 6:30. Police were skeptical, since the stop occurred in Pennsylvania. Source: pennlive.com
When a Florida bicyclist was detained, police found crack cocaine in his pants pocket. “Wait, what?!” said the man.
His excuse: He had no idea how the crack had gotten into the pants because they weren’t his pants. The cash the cops found? Yeah, that was his, but not the drugs. Source: Sun-Sentinel (Miami)
A Pennsylvania man was convicted of pulling off ten armed robberies. Although the heists were caught on videos that showed his face, he denied responsibility.
His excuse: Of course the guy in the videos looked like him. It was his “evil twin.” Source: Las Vegas Sun
So who’s telling the truth?
Let’s raise a glass to auto-brewery syndrome lady!
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.