The 51 Funniest Things That Ever Happened at The Doctor’s Office

Hilarious true stories, jokes, transcripts, and more from real doctors, nurses, and fellow patients around the country. Warning: side effects include laughing your butt off.

may 2015 travis stork clown shoesRobert Trachtenberg for Reader's DIgest

“Here,” says the nurse, handing the patient a urine specimen container. “The bathroom’s over there.” A few minutes later, the patient comes out of the bathroom.

“Thanks,” he says, returning the empty container. “But there was 
a toilet in there, so I didn’t need 
this after all.”   —Travis Stork, MD, Nashville, Tennessee (Check out Dr. Stork’s silly cover outtakes here!)

 

Overheard in the Doctor’s Office

As I leaned in to check her eyes, 
my older patient got a little frisky. “You remind me of my third 
husband,” she said coyly.

“Third husband?” I asked. “How many have you had?”

“Two.” —Leon Pendracky, OD, Avella, Pennsylvania

 

My patient announced she had good news … and bad. “The medicine for my earache worked,” she said. “What’s the bad news?” I asked.

“It tasted awful.”

Since she was feeling better, I didn’t have the heart to tell her they’re called eardrops for a reason. —Murray Grossan, MD, founder of 
the Grossan Institute, Los Angeles

 

Patient: Doctor, I slipped in the 
grocery store and really hurt myself.

Me: Where did you get hurt?

Patient: Aisle six. —John Munshower, DO, 
Media, Pennsylvania

 

I gave my patient the results of 
her sleep study: “It looks like you stopped breathing in your sleep over 65 times per hour.”

Her response: “Did I start back?” —Michael Breus, PhD, Scottsdale, Arizona

 

During surgery, my fellow resident bumped heads with the surgeon.

“Ah, Dr. Jones, a meeting of the minds,” he said, laughing it off.

The surgeon mumbled, “Yes. And 
I felt so alone.” —Sid Schwab, MD, Everett, Washington

 

Scene: The operating room. I’m 
reviewing the surgical checklist 
with the nurses.

Me: We have the surgical equipment, the heart-lung machine, antibiotics, and the replacement heart valve on hand.

Patient: You wait until now to figure this stuff out?   Marc Gillinov, MD, The Cleveland Clinic

 

I prescribed an inhaler for a patient’s cat allergy. He came back a week later saying he was none the better. Turns out, he was spraying the 
inhaler on the cat. —Source: sunnyskyz.com

barr-quotePeter Arkle for Reader's Digest

 

4 Medical Excuses For Missing Work (People Actually Thought Might Fly)

“My child stuck a mint up my nose, and I had to go to the emergency room to have it removed.”

“I got sick from reading too much.”

Employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldn’t get out.

“My dog wasn’t feeling well, so I tasted his food, and then 
I got sick.”

—Sources: careerbuilder.com;blog.oregonlive.com

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