13 Funny Dad Quotes to Use This Father’s Day

Can't find the right words for dad this Father's Day? Take inspiration from these funny quotes by the likes of Jon Stewart, Bob Odenkirk, Mark Twain, and more.

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Jerry Seinfeld

"You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out."

Dave Attell

"When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape."

Rita Rudner

"I gave my father $100 and said, “Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.” So he went out and bought a present for my mother."

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Bob Odenkirk

"My daughter got me a “World’s Best Dad” mug. So we know she’s sarcastic."

Stewart Francis

"Even though I'm proud by dad invented the rear-view mirror, we're not as close as we appear."

Jimmy Fallon

"Father’s Day is important because, besides being the day on which we honor Dad, it’s the one day of the year that Brookstone does any business."

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Rodney Dangerfield

"Me and my dad used to play tag. He'd drive."

Erma Bombeck

"We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, 'He wants his mother.'"

Clarence Darrow

"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children. "

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James Breakwell

Four-year-old: Tell me a scary story!
Me: One time little people popped out of your mom, and they never stopped asking questions.
Four-year-old: Why?

Mark Twain

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant, I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."

John Kinnear

"Sometimes I am amazed that my wife and I created two human beings from scratch yet struggle to assemble the most basic of IKEA cabinets."

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Jon Stewart

"Fatherhood is great because you can ruin someone from scratch."

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