Funny Gag Gifts for the Whole Family

Our humor editor weighs in with his ridiculous holiday gift guide.

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Solo Wine Cups

Solo Wine CupsCourtesy of Y'alls Products
My sister Diane is always the most refined person at Steelers tailgate parties. So for her, the Red Solo Cup Set: two wineglasses made from plastic cups atop glass bases. Stay classy, Sis. $14.96 per pair, amazon.com

Fauxballs

FauxballsCourtesy of ThinkGeek
I’m buying Snowtime Anytime Snowballs for my brother, Dean, who likes to pelt me with snowballs but doesn’t like the cold. They’re made from soft, dry fabric, so if he beans me with one, it won’t hurt. $19.99 for 20, thinkgeek.com

Bluetooth Gloves

Bluetooth GlovesCourtesy of ThinkGeek
For my sister Adrienne—who’s convinced she doesn’t look foolish talking aloud on her hands-free phone—I’m getting these Bluetooth Handset Gloves. She’ll seem even wackier talking into her fingers. $59.99 to $99.99, thinkgeek.com

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Bubble Wrap Couture

Bubble Wrap CoutureCourtesy of ThinkGeek
The Bubble Wrap Suit is perfect for my clumsy nephew. Go ahead, Brandon, fall down that elevator shaft again! $14.99, thinkgeek.com

Chicken Diapers

Chicken DiapersCourtesy of Derek Sasaki/My Pet Chicken
Why’d the chicken cross the road? To get to the bathroom. With Chicken Diapers, my pet rooster can wander wherever he likes. $20.95, amazon.com

Nose Straighteners

Nose StraightenersCourtesy of Japan Trend Shop
The Nose Straightener is going to my uncle Paul, who answered honestly when his wife asked, “Do I look heavier now than when we first met?” $48, japantrendshop.com

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Some people like to travel by train because 
it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of 
an airplane.

Dennis Miller

I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”

Kevin Nealon

“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” 
—Everyone following you on Instagram

@kristencarney

A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

Comedian Greg Davies

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Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.

@sixthformpoet

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Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.

From clientsfromhell.net

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My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me 
everything you know.”

@NicCageMatch

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“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” 
—Alcohol

@yoyoha (Josh Hara)

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My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.

—Jerry Seinfeld

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Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?

A: A mechanic.

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