Funny Limericks Only Clever People Will Get

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Gasman Named Dieter

Gasman Named DieteriStock/BartCo
A forgetful old gasman named Dieter, / Who went poking around his gas heater, / Touched a leak with his light; / He blew out of sight— / And, as everyone who knows anything about poetry can tell you, he also ruined the meter.

Runner Named Dwight

Runner Named DwightiStock/jaminwell
There once was a runner named Dwight / Who could speed even faster than light. / He set out one day / In a relative way / And returned on the previous night.

An Amoeba Named Max

An Amoeba Named MaxiStock/Nixxphotography
An amoeba, named Max, and his brother / Were sharing a drink with each other; / In the midst of their quaffing, / They split themselves laughing, / And each of them now is a mother.

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Old Girl of Genoa

Old Girl of GenoaiStock/benkrut
There was an old girl of Genoa / And I blush when I think that Iowa; / She's gone to her rest, / It's all for the best, / Otherwise I would borrow Samoa.

Lady Named Ferris

Lady Named FerrisiStock/powerofforever
There once was a lady named Ferris / Whom nothing could ever embarrass. / 'Til the bath salts one day, / in the tub where she lay, / turned out to be Plaster of Paris.

The Star Violinist

The Star ViolinistiStock/Eugenio Marongiu
The star violinist was bowing; / The quarrelsome oarsmen were rowing. / But how is the sage / To discern from this page: / Was it piglets, or seeds, that were sowing?

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Writer Named Bing

Writer Named BingiStock/Djura Topalov
A magazine writer named Bing / Could make copy from most anything; / But the copy he wrote / of a ten-dollar note / Was so good he now lives in Sing Sing.

Oyster From Kalamazoo

Oyster From KalamazooiStock/Lisovskaya
An oyster from Kalamazoo / Confessed he was feeling quite blue. / For he said, "As a rule, / When the weather turns cool, / I invariably get in a stew."

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Funny Jokes

Some people like to travel by train because 
it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of 
an airplane.

Dennis Miller

Funny Jokes

I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”

Kevin Nealon

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“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” 
—Everyone following you on Instagram

@kristencarney

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A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

Comedian Greg Davies

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Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.

@sixthformpoet

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Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.

From clientsfromhell.net

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My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me 
everything you know.”

@NicCageMatch

Funny Jokes

“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” 
—Alcohol

@yoyoha (Josh Hara)

Funny Jokes

My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.

—Jerry Seinfeld

Funny Jokes

Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?

A: A mechanic.

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