Funny Sleep Quotes Worth Sharing Over Coffee

We guarantee you'll wake up laughing from these funny sleep quotes!

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Wikimedia Commons / uploaded by Fir0002Wikimedia Commons / uploaded by Fir0002
"There is  no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” —Mindy Kaling (from Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?)

Illustrations by Brandon SpecktorIllustrations by Brandon Specktor
"Sleep when your baby sleeps. Everyone knows this classic tip, but I say why stop there? Scream when your baby screams. Take Benadryl when your baby takes Benadryl. And walk around pantless  when your baby  walks around pantless." —Tina Fey (from Bossypants)

Wikimedia CommonsWikimedia Commons
"I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at four in the afternoon, I'd be a college graduate today." —George Foreman

Wikimedia Commons / uploaded by GeorgHHWikimedia Commons / uploaded by GeorgHH
"Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone." —Anthony Burgess

Wikimedia Commons / photos by Thomas Bresson (background) and Reeefo (kicker)Wikimedia Commons / photos by Thomas Bresson (background) and Reeefo (kicker)
"Never got to bed mad. Stay up and fight." —Phyllis Diller

Wikimedia Commons / Pavel Å evela (clock) and k.ivoutin (beer)Wikimedia Commons / Pavel Ševela (clock) and k.ivoutin (beer)
"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day." —Frank Sinatra

Wikimedia Commons / by Emile BernardWikimedia Commons / by Emile Bernard
"Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong." —George Carlin

Wikimedia Commons / Trisha M Shears (lion) and Peretz Partensky (calf)Wikimedia Commons / Trisha M Shears (lion) and Peretz Partensky (calf)
"The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep." —Woody Allen

Wikimedia Commons / photo by Dave BuchwaldWikimedia Commons / photo by Dave Buchwald
"Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born and they start using sleep deprivation to break you." —Ray Romano

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Some people like to travel by train because 
it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of 
an airplane.

Dennis Miller

I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”

Kevin Nealon

“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” 
—Everyone following you on Instagram


A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

Comedian Greg Davies

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Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.


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Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.


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My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me 
everything you know.”


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“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” 

@yoyoha (Josh Hara)

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My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.

—Jerry Seinfeld

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Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?

A: A mechanic.