12 Must-Repeat Halloween Jokes From Scarily Funny Comedians

Trick-or-treat yourself to some laughs from Seinfeld, Hedberg, Kimmel, and more.

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Steven Wright's hot idea

Steven Wright's hot ideakazyavka/iStock

David Letterman's holiday calendar

David Letterman's holiday calendarkazyavka/iStock

Lewis Black's corny history

Lewis Black's corny historytasza_natasha/iStock

Jimmy Kimmel's costume conundrum

Jimmy Kimmel's costume conundrum transiastock/iStock

Reid Faylor's pet project

Reid Faylor's pet projecttransiastock/iStock

Jerry Seinfeld's busy schedule

Jerry Seinfeld's busy scheduletransiastock/iStock

Wendy Liebman's sour suspicions

Wendy Liebman's sour suspicionstasza_natasha/iStock

Mitch Hedberg's sticky assessment

Mitch Hedberg's sticky assessmenttasza_natasha/iStock

Aaron Fullerton's guessing game

Aaron Fullerton's guessing gametransiastock/iStock

Mike Birbiglia's bar exam

Mike Birbiglia's bar examtasza_natasha/iStock

Jason Love's convenient truth

Jason Love's convenient truthkazyavka/iStock

Robert Brault's unsolved mystery

Robert Brault's unsolved mysterytransiastock/iStock

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Some people like to travel by train because 
it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of 
an airplane.

Dennis Miller

I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”

Kevin Nealon

“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” 
—Everyone following you on Instagram


A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

Comedian Greg Davies

Funny Jokes

Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.


Funny Jokes

Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.

From clientsfromhell.net

Funny Jokes

My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me 
everything you know.”


Funny Jokes

“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” 

@yoyoha (Josh Hara)

Funny Jokes

My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.

—Jerry Seinfeld

Funny Jokes

Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?

A: A mechanic.