Before instructing you on how to create the next ratings-busting, pop-culture-cracking, bazillions-earning sitcom, I offer this cautionary tale:
In 1992, when Seinfeld struggled for Wednesday night ratings, “The Virgin” episode featured a plotline in which George Costanza inadvertently caused his girlfriend, Susan, to lose her job. NBC executives took offense, calling George callous and unlikable. The writing staff tinkered, making George more regretful and less unlikable.
A mere four years later, when Seinfeld was a hit on Thursdays, an episode called “The Invitations” featured a plotline in which George inadvertently caused Susan to … die.
The same executives had no objections.
The moral of the story: If you compromise in order to stay on the air, your show may survive long enough to become the sitcom of your dreams. (And oh: When you get a better time slot, don’t emulate Larry David and say to a reporter that if people didn’t watch on Wednesdays, you don’t want them on Thursdays.)
Producing a sitcom is a walk through a minefield. At any moment, a wrong step can doom any project. How to navigate this minefield is a mystery roughly equal to man’s rise to the top of the food chain. The (somewhat) good news is, through years of heady success and blistering failure, I can (maybe) steer you toward a (slim) chance of sitcom glory.
OK, let’s get to work.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.