Thanks to his History Channel show, Only in America, Larry the Cable Guy gets around. As the new season gets underway this month, he shares with us two of his favorite episodes from past seasons:
“At the Space Museum outside of Roswell, New Mexico, they have a heat tile from the first space shuttle. It cost them $10,000 and they’re real proud of it. The curator told me they’ll blowtorch it and put 300 degrees on it, and you can’t even feel it. I was like, ‘Get out of here, this thing! It’s so light!’ I tapped it … and it split in half.”
“Then there was the town of one. Monowi, Nebraska, was a town of 100-something when Elsie Eiler, 78, got married. Then everyone began leavin’ and dyin’ and leavin’ and dyin’. By 2004 it was just Elsie. She was the mayor, the town council, the judge, the cop …. I wanted to help her raise money to fix her main road. Of course you need to have a vote of the city council first, so she sat down and said, ‘Ok, we’ll call a meeting. All in favor of fixing the front road with a cookout say aye.’ And she said ‘aye.’ So she said, ‘All right, the ayes have it!’ And she got her road fixed.”
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.