8:00 am: Updates Facebook Status
10:04 am: Texts Homies
11:15 am: Checks In
1:42 pm: Yelps
3:18 pm: Tweets
6:18 pm: Posts “Missed Connection” on Craigslist
7:45 pm: Starts “Seuss’cess Kid” Meme
10:05 pm: Signs Off
Dr. Seuss’s birthday is March 2.
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.