A British fisherman won a trophy and $1,300 when he landed the largest bass during a fishing tournament. But before he could stuff it with shrimp and pour a lemon sauce over it, he was arrested and disqualified. It turns out the winning fish had been stolen from an aquarium. Source: The Week
The day after the second game of the American League playoffs, Detroit native Robert Shiller called his brother to tell him that he’d won the Nobel Prize in economics. “I said, ‘Did you hear the news?’” said Shiller. “And he said, ‘Yeah, the Tigers lost.’” Source: The Hartford Courant (Connecticut)
A fan of Britain’s Manchester United soccer team was so irate after a referee’s call that he phoned Britain’s equivalent of 911 and demanded that the ref be arrested for his criminally poor judgment. In the end, someone did get taken in for a wrong call—the fan. Source: metro.co.uk
Soon after the city of Stockton, California, filed for bankruptcy, its minor-league hockey team, the Thunder, was scheduled to play the Bakersfield Condors in Bakersfield. The Condors welcomed its fans and the Thunder with a special promotion: Our City Isn’t Bankrupt Night. Source: abcnews.com
Are you the sort of cardplayer whose face gives it away when you get a royal flush? Good news! A New York City plastic surgeon has introduced “Pokertox,” a program of Botox and facial fillers designed to enhance a player’s poker face. Source: huffingtonpost.com
Fair trade? A player from the Fort Lauderdale Strikers, a team in the North American Soccer League, was sent to the San Antonio Scorpions in exchange for two nights of hotel lodging for the team. Source: Sports Illustrated
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.