• This dog loves baths more than you’ve ever loved anything. While I wish I could take credit for this snarky title, it’s Gawker you have to thank. This fuzzy, blue-eyed puppy gets lathered up to game-show-like music, which sounds random but is actually insanely satisfying.
• One adorable kitten has nightmares. A tiny kitten fights invisible birds and attacking water faucets while in the clutches of its sleeping mother. The “aw” moment comes at :16 when the mother cat cuddles her baby in an attempt to keep bad dreams at bay.
• A beaver waves at a baby. Did you just read that sentence? I said: “A beaver…waves at…a baby.” How is it possible that so much cuteness can live in one phrase? Watch it and you’ll see what I mean.
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an airplane.
I think my pilot was a little inexperienced. We were sitting on the runway, and he said, “OK, folks, we’re gonna be taking off in a just few—whoa! Here we go.”
“I can’t wait until your vacation is over.” —Everyone following you on Instagram
A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
Comedian Greg Davies
Just found the worst page in the entire dictionary. What I saw was disgraceful, disgusting, dishonest, and disingenuous.
Client: We need you to log in to the YouTube and make all our company videos viral.
My cat just walked up to the paper shredder and said, “Teach me everything you know.”
“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” —Alcohol
@yoyoha (Josh Hara)
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.
Q: What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse’s mouth?
A: A mechanic.